


STAY THE NIGHT

by lizzybennettdarcy



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 20:03:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 40,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4578075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizzybennettdarcy/pseuds/lizzybennettdarcy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One-shots inspired by "Stay The Night" by Hayley Williams and Zedd. Pretty fluffy stuff. Or respite from the Felicity-light Arrow arc of late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

They never talked about it.

It started the night after Oliver saved her from Slade. That fight had been the most difficult yet. Slade had kidnapped both Sara and Felicity. His goal had been simple; make Oliver choose between the two most important women in his life. Slade had underestimated the Team though and it had cost him dearly. He hadn't anticipated the arrival of Nyssa to save Sara or the Mirakuru antidote that Felicity had developed with the help of Barry Allen. He'd been pulled into a fight with Oliver, Roy and Diggle and hadn't expected the syringe that pierced his skin. By the end of the fight, by the time Oliver killed him, he was no longer a super soldier; he was just a broken man with a broken neck.

That was the first time that Oliver Queen snuck into her apartment.

She was still sore from the fight when she woke up two mornings later. She was in the middle of her morning routine when she realised that something was different. She wandered throughout her apartment and had almost given up when she caught it. The barest hint of Oliver's scent lingered in the air. She followed the scent to the couch and realised that he'd slept in her apartment. She glanced over at the window which he'd closed and somehow locked on his way out.

She didn't say anything to him about it when she reached the office. She shot him the usual smile as she walked into his office and prepared him for the day. They went through the usual motions like nothing had changed.

He came back the next night and the night after that. Life went on and neither of them mentioned it. She thought he might believe she didn't know. Nothing was ever out of place and he always arrived after she was asleep and left before she woke up.

She wondered once or twice if he just missed Sara. She'd left Starling City with Nyssa after the showdown with Slade and all signs pointed to her never returning. Felicity put all jealous thoughts from her mind when she realised that his reasons didn't really matter to her. When she looked closely enough, which she did more often than she probably should, she could see that the bruises beneath his eyes were less defined. He seemed less weary, less tired.

So she said nothing.

After a week and a half of waking up to the lingering presence of her boss, friend, hero and sometimes crush, she realised maybe he didn't plan on stopping.

It had been a long night on the comms at the foundry. Oliver had come back a little more battered and bruised than usual. He had been silent as her hands dutifully and gently tended to his wounds. He thanked her quietly before she left for the night.

"Sleep well." She breathed out before climbing the stairs and driving home.

That night she left a pillow and a blanket on the couch. She went through her usual night routine and fell asleep quickly.

The bedding was folded exactly the way that it had been the night before. But as she raised the pillow to her face, she breathed deeply. The scent of his body wash, sweat and something entirely  _Oliver_ assaulted her senses. Felicity smiled before moving to get ready for work.

She arrived at QC and there was a cup of coffee, exactly the way she liked it, waiting on her desk. She could feel his intense gaze on her and she smiled. Felicity glanced up at him through the glass, but his eyes had moved to the screen in front of him.

She left different bedding and a clean pillow on the couch each night. Her laundry bill had certainly gone up but she couldn't find it in herself to be upset about it. The tiredness had long since left his eyes and his smile came more easily. She also felt safer knowing that he was sleeping out on her couch each night. His presence chased away the Slade-filled nightmares and she wondered sometimes if maybe she did the same for him.

She was laying on her couch one day watching Doctor Who. It was a rare day off and she planned to enjoy it. She stretched out and her feet met resistance as they hit the end cushion. Her eyebrows wrinkled for a moment as she realised just how small her couch was. More of a loveseat really. How did Oliver manage to sleep on a couch that was too short for  _her?_ Her mind ran over various scenarios until images of a very shirtless Oliver curled up on the couch played on a loop. She let out a shaky breath and shook her head. That's enough of  _that_.

It had been three months and they still hadn't acknowledged the fact that Oliver Queen spent only moments each day away from her. Neither of them said a word when she spent nearly two month's salary on a plush, leather couch that was long enough to accommodate a man taller than Oliver. Her salary as his EA was exorbitant and she'd decided that the money was definitely worth it. Even if she herself was never at home often enough to use it. It was worth it.

The morning after the couch arrived, there was coffee, a breakfast bagel and the largest bouquet of flowers she'd ever seen waiting on her desk. She busied herself finding a vase big enough to contain the wild assortment of  _beautiful_ and  _colourful_ flowers. She knew before looking that there would be no note. She could feel his eyes on her as she ate her breakfast and sipped her coffee. Typically, his attention was elsewhere when she finally turned to look into his office.

He had an important meeting that afternoon. As she raised herself onto her toes to straighten his tie, his hands fell to her hips. His thumb rubbing small circles on her left hip and the smallest of smiles were the only acknowledgment she needed.

Things changed when Felicity was taken hostage by a frantic Sebastian Blood. She'd made the connection between Slade, Cyrus Gold and the Mayor. Oliver had hooded up and followed her directions to Blood's base of operations. She'd heard his roar of frustration over the comms before he told her that the place had been abandoned. He'd been upset when he returned for the night. She'd said goodnight and headed home. She was thinking about how to make him feel better when she was grabbed from behind. She was just feet from her door but a tiny pinprick told her that she wasn't nearly close enough. Her last thought was that Oliver would be there soon and he'd know.

She spent the next twenty seven hours strung up in a dingy basement about a block from Verdant. Her legs were tired and her arms burned. She was glad to note that despite Sebastian's knowledge of her involvement with the Vigilante, he knew nothing of Oliver's identity or where their base of operations was. She listened tiredly as Blood rambled about Slade Wilson and master plans. He seemed to consider himself to be something of a hero and she barely concealed her snort of amusement. The guy was a wackjob. Turns out that gorgeous Laurel had been onto something after all.

The window shattering and covering them both in glass was their only warning that Oliver had arrived. Blood had been prepared for it, had kept a gun trained on her from the moment he'd taken her. She could see the hard lines of tension and feel the waves of fury rolling off of Oliver in spades. He didn't say a word even as Sebastian threatened him. There was an arrow protruding from Sebastian Blood's eye socket and one in his chest before he could pull the trigger. She watched as the man dropped and the gun clattered out of his hand to land at her feet.

She stared at the dead man for a few moments before lifting her head to look at Oliver. He was staring at Sebastian and his shoulders were heaving as he fought for control. She reached for him and winced when the manacle yanked her aching arm back. The clang of metal brought Oliver's attention to her with a jerk. He was suddenly in her space and she couldn't quite catch her breath. His hands worked on her bindings as short puffs of warm air left his lips and caressed her forehead. She felt herself relaxing despite the pain in her arms and legs, and her forehead dropped against his chin. His body went rigid for a moment before his hands began working more quickly. Her hands were suddenly free and with nothing to hold her up she fell forwards. He caught her and crushed her against his hard chest. Her cheek rested against his vest as she listened to his racing heart.

She woke up the next morning in her own bed and realised that things had changed. His scent lingered in the air above her and her eyes caught the chair that was not beside her bed the day before. He'd been upset enough to leave evidence behind.

She knew she shouldn't go into the office. But she'd already missed a day during her kidnapping and she needed to see him. So she stepped off of the elevator and walked into her office. Her tired arms wouldn't cooperate for a moment as she tried to take off her jacket and place her purse beside her desk. He was furious, she knew without looking up at him.

She raised her chin and walked into his office. He was glaring at a spot over her shoulder as he stood from behind the desk and moved to stand in front of her. She waited until he'd gotten himself under control and was able to look at her. His jaw was tight and he looked exhausted. She doubted that he'd slept since before she'd been taken. Her fingers were moving along his jawline and she must be more tired than she thought because she doesn't remember raising her hand. She watched her fingers brush a trail across his relaxing jawline for a few moments before her blue eyes raised to meet his. He was staring at her intently and he'd never been harder to read. She dropped her hand and stepped back.

"Thank you." The words didn't seem quite enough and she wasn't even sure if they covered everything she was feeling.  _Thank you for saving me. Thank you for staying last night._

"Always." His tone was tight but sincere.

She saw the promise in his eyes and nodded.

She moved the chair out of her room that night and placed new bedding on the couch. She woke up the next morning to the sound of her living room window closing quietly. She smiled at the thought of him oversleeping before rolling over to turn off the alarm that was set to go off soon.

It only took a few days for those bruises under his eyes to fade this time.

She began setting her coffeemaker to go off at 6:30 every morning. She left her second favourite mug, a Movember gift covered in moustaches, on the counter each night for him. And every morning she'd awake to half a pot of coffee and her Tardis mug in its place.

She was halfway through hacking into the bank account of notorious drug dealer when a laugh escaped her lips. She covered her mouth as another giggle fell out. Oliver and Roy glanced up from where they were sparring but she shook her head before burying her face in her hands.

"What's so funny?" Diggle asked behind her.

She took a moment to calm herself down before making up a lame excuse about hacker lingo. Her lie fell flat and she could feel Oliver's eyes on her curiously.

She couldn't very well tell them that she'd imagined what her neighbours would say if they ever caught the Vigilante sneaking in and out of her window every night and morning. She and Oliver had never discussed it and she doubted that Dig would approve. Roy for sure would make a joke that would make even  _Oliver_ blush.

She left a key on his pillow that night. And it was gone in the morning.

There were no gifts waiting on her desk that day. But when Felicity walked into his office Oliver stood before her with an unreadable look on his face. He reached forward and pulled her into his arms. She was surprised but she wound her arms around his neck. His arms pulled her closer before his forehead dropped to rest against hers. His blue eyes were wide and full of emotion as he stared down at her. Her heart was crashing in her chest and she could feel the speed of his pulse under her fingers.

Oliver took a deep breath and then another before he lifted his lips just high enough to press against her forehead. Her eyes closed until he took another deep breath and pulled away. Felicity's eyelids fluttered for a moment before she smiled up at him.

"So, what's on the schedule for today?" He asked smoothly as he made his way back around his desk.

Her hands brushed down the sides of her dress before she answered him.

His arm was wrapped around her waist and his hand lightly gripped her hip as he steered her through the crowd. Her eyes carefully tracked the movements of the people around her and she heard him chuckle.

"Relax, Felicity. This is a  _work_ function." He teased lightly.

She laughed. He was right of course. It was just that usually when he was guiding her through a room like this, and she was dressed the way that she was, they were on a mission.

Although it could be argued that their roles at QC and the functions that went along with it, were missions themselves. Felicity certainly wasn't a real EA and Oliver was reluctantly a CEO.

They made their way around the room as Oliver schmoozed investors and board members. They had finally gotten rid of Isabel Rochev and Oliver needed to make sure that he had the full support of the bigwigs. Felicity remained by his side and provided colour commentary and the names of anyone he'd forgotten. And if his hand never strayed from its place on her hip, well she wasn't complaining.

After two hours of talking to countless guests she found herself being pulled onto the dance floor. She shivered as his hand grazed lowly across her back before settling on the other hip. She placed a hand in his and rested her palm against his shoulder. She nearly stumbled as he pulled her closer. She knew that she should be worried about propriety and gossip. The whole company thought that he spent his nights at her place anyways. Which he did, technically speaking. They just didn't spend their nights  _together_ together.

A sigh escaped her lips. He raised an eyebrow in question but she simply shook her head. He replied by pulling her further into his body. Her hand moved to his neck and her thumb rubbed absently against the skin there.

A shudder ripped through her body as his fingers traced the bare skin of her back. He smiled against her temple. She rested her cheek against his shoulder and enjoyed the moment. She ignored the whispers and the knowing glances. And so did he.

When he walked her to her door that night she fought to roll her eyes. He dropped a kiss to her forehead before leaving. They both knew he was coming back. What was the point of all the pretense?

Her agitation only grew as she pulled off her ball gown. She understood why they hadn't said anything at first. She even kind of liked the cloak and daggery feel of it all. She loved having a secret, something with Oliver that no one knew about.

But they'd been doing this for almost a year now. She'd given him a key to her apartment for God's sake. And there was nothing to show for it.

She stood in the middle of her bedroom in her underwear with her hands on her hips. She needed more. So did he.

This place they were in was kind of awesome, but it was also nowhere. She hadn't dated in over a year and neither had he. They were standing still.

They were going to have to talk about it.

She threw on a long t-shirt and laid on top of her covers, waiting. Her front door opened just an hour after he'd dropped her off. She heard him quietly moving around in the living room and then there was silence. She waited a few minutes before she got up and walked out of her room.

He was sitting on the couch with his elbows resting on his knees and his head buried in his hands. His clothes were folded neatly on her coffee table, leaving him in only a pair of boxer briefs. Felicity's eyes widened as a wave of lust shot through her. She'd seen him in just shorts before. But the sight of him in his underwear in her living room was so  _domestic._ Did he always sleep like that? She gave her head a shake.

She stood in front of him for a moment before stepping forward and placing both hands in his hair. He had yet to look at her and she wondered if he was angry or embarrassed. Her hands slipped from his hair to land on his jaw. She pulled until his hands dropped into his lap and his chin raised. He took a deep breath before his blue eyes caught hers.

There were words that needed to be said. Things that needed to be worked out. But that could all wait until morning.

"Come to bed." It wasn't quite an order but it wasn't a request either.

She watched with amazement as his blue eyes darkened. His hands shot out and landed on her hips. She bit back a gasp as his palms moved over her the straps of her underwear and under her shirt until he found bare skin. A low growl tore through his chest before he dropped his forehead to lean against her belly. His hands caressed the skin of her hips and her lower back as his hot breath puffed against her stomach.

"Are you sure?" He mumbled against her navel.

She waited for a moment, trailing her fingers through his hair.

"I think it's time. Don't you?"

Everything after that was a blur of hands and lips and teeth. Whimpers and groans, grunts and screams filled the apartment. He was everywhere and he took her with him. Words and assurances of love were whispered against skin and screamed to the heavens.

They didn't leave her bed for two days. And he spent every night afterwards in  _their_ bed.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The first time he asked to stay the night was after he rescued her from the Count.

They'd had a comforting exchange in the Foundry where he'd assured her that her safety was the most important thing to him. She'd left the lair feeling light and special.

His words failed to comfort her however, as she faced the dark corners of her apartment when she arrived home. She'd quickly moved through her home and flicked on every light in the apartment. Her TV was loudly advertising kitchen appliances as she nervously tapped away on her tablet. She didn't really  _need_ to sleep that night. She could just have an extra cup of coffee in the morning. Or three.

The knock on her door elicited a shriek. She jumped to her feet and her tablet slipped through her fingers to land softly on the couch. She knew logically that the Count was dead and that she was safe. Probably. Maybe. But it had only been a couple hours since he'd trailed his fingers over her skin and through her hair as they waited for Oliver. It had been even less time since he'd placed those deadly needles against her throat.

"Felicity? It's Oliver."

 _Oh thank God._ She rushed through her apartment and clumsily unlocked her door before throwing it open. His body was tense as he studied her. She could only imagine what he was seeing. If she looked half as frantic as she felt then he had good reason to look so worried. And he did look worried. His eyebrows had furrowed and his eyes were narrowed as he stepped forward. He cupped her elbow and led her back inside. He threw the deadbolt before turning around and pulling her into his arms. She stiffened for a moment before relaxing. Team Arrow didn't really do hugs. Well she and John did. But Oliver had always seemed very anti-hug. He touched elbows and  _shoulders_ to express intimacy. He didn't hug. Ever.

For someone who didn't like to hug, he was really,  _really_ good at it. Her nose rubbed against his chest as she breathed him in. God, he smelled delicious, like man and expensive body wash with just the barest hint of sweat. His fingers trailed through her hair and her breath caught. His hands stilled and she shook her head.

"Don't stop, please." She mumbled tearfully against his heart. "He- he was touching my hair and it made me feel so-" She gulped as more tears escaped. "And I need to normalize it. I need for it not to be a _thing._  Please don't stop."

He buried his face in her hair as she spoke and she swore she felt tears dripping against the skin of her neck. His fingers resumed their slow pace through her curls and she relaxed further into him.

"Can I stay the night?" He mumbled against her neck.

There was no innuendo in his words and she was too tired to blush anyways. She pulled back slightly but he kept his face buried against her neck.

"You don't have to. I'll be okay. I-"

He finally pulled away and his eyes were just the littlest bit red. "Can I stay the night?"

As he repeated himself she realised that he was asking as much for himself as he was for her. She'd scared him tonight. He hadn't just stopped by to make sure she was okay. He'd stopped by because he needed to know, to see for himself that she was alright. He should be at home celebrating his Mother's freedom but he was here. He wanted to stay.

She nodded.

He spent more time watching her that night than sleeping. But she smiled all the same when she found him curled up on her couch the next morning. There was something frankly  _adorable_ about the sight of Oliver Queen, Vigilante and CEO curled up on her tiny couch. And if her heart clenched just a little bit at the sight of him there, well she'd never tell.

She sprained her ankle when one of the foundry's stairs gave beneath her as she walked into the lair. John had thankfully been in front of her and had caught her but the damage was already done.

Oliver had been livid that she'd been hurt where she was supposed to be safe. His hands had been gentle as he wrapped her ankle and then he'd spent hours beating the hell out of a training dummy and wrenching his way furiously up the salmon ladder.

He drove her home and carried her up to her apartment that night. He'd called and arranged for crutches to be delivered to her the next day.

He dropped her gently on the couch and headed to her kitchen to get another ice pack. She spent an hour watching Doctor Who. Oliver Queen sat next to her through it all with her feet in his lap. He'd attentively iced her injured ankle and had unconsciously been massaging her other foot for most of the final episode.

"Can I stay the night?" He asked her after he'd helped her into her bedroom.

She smiled and nodded. She knew she'd need his help in the morning. He dropped a kiss to her forehead and made himself at home on her couch.

She was dizzy.

She was dimly aware of the fact that Oliver was half-carrying her into her building. She couldn't remember leaving the hospital but the Benedryl was still in full effect.

She opened her eyes as Oliver laid her gently on the couch. His eyes had lost a bit of the frantic gleam that had been displayed earlier. She reached out and cupped his cheek. He allowed himself to lean against her hand for just a moment.

"I'm okay. Don't worry." She assured him tiredly.

He jerked out of her hand and started pacing. He was rubbing both hands over his head and his movements were making her dizzier.

"You almost died!" He snapped. "How could you possibly be okay?"

Felicity sighed and clenched her teeth as she fought to move into a sitting position. Her head was spinning and her throat  _hurt_.

She understood why he was so upset. It was only a month ago that she'd hurt herself in the Lair. Going into anaphylactic shock in the middle of a board meeting had certainly been unexpected. She was supposed to be safe in the lair and at QC. He was feeling a loss of control. She understood that.

Felicity still can't believe she went into anaphylactic shock in front of the board of directors and  _Isabel_ of all people. There was a strict peanut-free policy on the executive floor and she'd never had a problem at work before. There had been some catering snafu.

"I should  _arrow_ those  _morons_ for messing up the order!" Oliver growled menacingly as he paced a hole in front of her.

They had been half-way through the meeting when the man next to her handed her the muffin tray. She hadn't eaten all day and was so hungry that she hadn't tasted the peanuts until her last bite.

_Felicity cleared her throat before swallowing the last bite. She took a sip of water and swigged it around for a moment before swallowing it. Her eyebrow quirked as the faint aftertaste of peanuts hit her palette._

_Shit. Oh shit. She cleared her throat again. Her tongue was itchy. And so was her throat. Oh shit. Not now._

_Her hand rubbed her throat absently as she tried not to panic. Where was her purse?_

_In her office. Across the building._

_Oh my God._

_She coughed as her throat started to swell._

" _Felicity?" Her eyes snapped up to meet Oliver's concerned gaze. He was presenting a new proposal to the board and he was all the way across the room. He dropped his notes and stepped forward as the panic on her face registered._

" _Oliver!" She croaked out. He hurried towards her as she jumped to her feet. She swayed as the air tried to force its way through her closing throat. He caught her as she fell forward._

_The room was in chaos. She could hear someone calling for an ambulance as she stared up at his panicked blue eyes._

" _Peanuts." She gasped before losing consciousness._

She vaguely remembered a roar of anxiety before he disappeared from beneath her.

"Hey!" She grumbled aloud, catching his attention. "You made it across the building and back with my epi-pen in under a minute, Oliver. You saved my life."

His pacing slowed as he took in her words. "I was almost too late."

She rolled her eyes. "Well they let me out of the hospital the same day. So it wasn't  _that_ close."

Except that it was. While Oliver had been signing her out, the doctor had confided that mere  _seconds_ more and she'd be dead.

No need to tell him that.

"Come here, please." She requested tiredly, reaching her hand towards him.

He stepped forward immediately and placed his hand in hers. She pulled him forward to sit down on the couch beside her. She laid her head against his shoulder and sighed contentedly.

"You saved my life. That's all that matters. Thank you." She mumbled as sleep started to pull her away from him.

His head turned just enough to allow him to press his lips against her hair. "Can I stay the night?"

She hummed the affirmative and fell asleep as he carried her to her bed.

No one ever ate peanuts within the walls of QC after that. Oliver's fury had made an impression.

His panic had done nothing to dispel the rumours of how he spent his nights. She'd gladly endure weeks of whispering over death by peanut though.

She was dying. She was sure of it. She couldn't breathe and  _everything_ hurt. Her eyes wouldn't open no matter how hard she tried and her head felt like it had been run over by a truck.

Felicity Smoak had a cold.

Not just any cold though. The world's worst cold. The kind of cold that could run for President and  _win._  She had the kind of cold that wiped out thousands, nay  _millions_ of people during the dark ages. Her cold was possibly the first strain of a zombie plague.

She was probably going to die.

She was cocooned in a world of green duvet when the sound of distant knocking roused her from her latest coma. Her fingers crept towards the edge of the blanket pulled over her head. She slowly peeled the blanket away and was surprised by the darkness in her room. Where had the day gone?

"Felicity?" Oliver's voice carried through her apartment and a smile crossed her lips.

She didn't really want to get out of bed though.

"Felicity?" His voice held concern this time. His knocks grew just a bit louder.

Maybe if she ignored him he'd just come through the window. She blindly grabbed for her glasses and slid them onto her nose. Her head rolled to the side and she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Holy Mother of God.

"Felicity?"

Ugh. She rolled out of bed with too much gusto and ended up on the floor with a loud thud.

"Felicity?! Are you okay?" He yelled.

He was probably about ten seconds away from breaking her door in. She moved to her knees and then scrambled to her feet.

"Coming!" She mumbled. Her fists rubbed at her eyes as she stumbled through her dark apartment. She yawned as she slipped the deadbolt. She opened the door and found Oliver leaning against the doorframe with full arms. She raised her chin as she tried to sneak a peek at what was in the paper bags.

"I heard a crash." He accused worriedly.

She shrugged. "I fell out of bed."

He chuckled. "Aren't you going to invite me in?"

She wrinkled her nose. "Did you miss the memo that I'm dying? I'm not in the mood for company."

He laughed again before stepping into her apartment. He brushed past her and she bit back a moan as his warm arm brushed against her cold shoulder.

"Make yourself at home." She grumbled sarcastically as he dropped the bags on the coffee table.

He shot her a smirk and she rolled her eyes with a smile. She yawned again and threw her arms over her head to stretch, exposing inches of her stomach. His eyes trailed down her body so quickly that she almost didn't catch it. He turned away with a smile and she glanced down at her clothes. She was wearing a tank top and boxer shorts. She ran a hand through her hair.

"I should probably get changed." She mumbled self-consciously.

Her spun to face her with a quizzical look. "Why? You're sick and you look fine. Your pjs are cute." He chuckled again.

She narrowed her eyes at him for a moment before taking a seat next to him on the couch. "So, what's all this?"

She glanced at the clock on her blu-ray player. He should be at the lair. Or out fighting crime.

"I thought I'd take the night off. This is for you." He handed her a warm Tupperware container. "Raisa makes the world's best chicken noodle soup. I called her this morning and asked her to make some for you. It's life-saving stuff."

He was smiling warmly but she thought she caught a hint of a blush on his cheeks.

"Thank you." She told him quietly.

He hummed with a shrug before opening up the other bags. He pulled out various cough medications and throat lozenges. She smiled so wide that it hurt when she saw the hot water bottle and thermometer.

Tears stung her eyes as he placed the thermometer under her tongue. A few of them escaped after he declared that she was running a little warm with more concern than she'd expected.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked gently, a hand shooting forward to catch her tears.

"I'm just, um, not used to being taken care of." She admitted in a whisper. And wasn't  _that_ the truth.

Sadness shot through his eyes before he forced a smile on his face. He reached forwards and pulled her into his arms. She stayed cuddled into his side as he turned on a movie and she ate her soup.

"Can I stay the night?" He asked after the movie ended.

"Only if you promise to bring more soup tomorrow."

He chuckled before pulling her more firmly against his side. "I think that can be arranged."

She half expected him to show up the night of his mother's rally. He'd promised that she wouldn't lose him. And yeah she wasn't technically  _injured_ but he'd stopped by for less.

But he didn't come. And when she reviewed the footage from the lair the next morning, she knew why.

Maybe Moira had been right after all.

He showed up the night that the Clock King shot her. The pain medication was still in full force as she stumbled towards the sound of knocking. Hazy images and words were floating through her mind as she fumbled with the locks. Everything was a bit jumbled but she remembered enough to be embarrassed. Dig definitely hadn't given her aspirin.

She opened the door and the movement made her head spin. Her body swayed for a moment until strong hands gripped her good shoulder and her hip.

"Come on. You need to sit down." Oliver told her as he closed the door and led her towards the couch. She didn't realise her eyes were closed until he gently pushed her back against the soft cushions.

"Those weren't aspirins." She accused as she fought to open her eyes.

They fluttered open and shut for a moment before they remained open. She saw two very amused Olivers staring back at her. Two of them?

"Great. Like not having one of you wasn't hard enough." She spat out bitterly. "Now there's two of you. One for each Lance, I suppose. Convenient."

Her tongue was thick in her mouth and she moved it around, trying to loosen it. Her head was so foggy. Her eyes found Oliver again and she tilted her head in confusion. Why did he look so upset? She closed her eyes and thought back for a moment. Shit. She opened her eyes and blinked up at him.

"Apparently I'm kind of a bitch when I'm high." She explained before snorting in amusement. She hadn't been earlier. Had she actually  _thanked_ Sara for getting shot?

He was clearly uncomfortable, both of him. She raised her hands to frame one of Oliver. She figured the other one would disappear. She closed one eye. No such luck. Still two of him. Her arms dropped heavily.

"Oh well." She blew out a breath.

He, they were still staring at her. And the hurt on his face kind of pissed her off. Anger burned through her, providing enough clarity for her to see Oliver, only one Oliver, clearly.

" _Why_ are you  _here?_ " Her tone was snarky and more than a little accusatory.

"Where else would I be?" He was angry.

She was angrier.

"I don't know. With your  _girlfriend?_ " Yup, definitely bitchier when she was high.

At least the rambling wasn't an issue. Because she was holding back so much right now. Her earlier snark about Lance sisters was only the tip of the iceberg.

She watched as Oliver ran a hand through his hair and blew out a breath in frustration.

"You're ruining my high." She pointed out. "And you shouldn't be here."

"You're hurt." He argued.

His words had more meaning than he'd intended. Her eyes narrowed up at him.

"You're right. I am. I am hurt." She pointed a finger at him. "But the physical hurt isn't any of your business. And the other…" She trailed off with a shrug. A shrug that really  _really_ hurt. Who shrugs after getting  _shot_? She does. Apparently.

He jumped to his feet. "You're kidding right? You got shot while on a mission."

She rolled her eyes and it made her head hurt. "No, I got shot because I was out on a mission of my own. I went out without backup and I got shot. Deal with it."

"You should never have been there." He shot back.

"Yeah well, you've been  _busy_." Ugh,  _she_  didn't even like herself right now.

He was staring down at her and that look was on his face again.

"Get out."

"But you're hurt and I always-" He was almost pleading with her now.

"Always come over to check on me. Yeah I know. It's our  _thing._ " She wiped hastily at the tear he was watching track its way down her cheek. "Except that you have a girlfriend. Someone you  _care_ about."

She heard his breath catch but she couldn't quite look at him right now.

"Is that what this is about?" He asked so quietly she could barely hear him.

Tears were flowing freely now. She glared at him and scrambled to her feet. "Why would it be about that? I'm always going to be your  _girl,_ right?" She hated the way her mouth twisted sarcastically around his earlier words. "Except that I'm not your girl, Oliver. Sara is. So you can't show up here when I'm hurt. You don't have the right to take care of me. You can't act like you  _care_ because you don't. Not enough. So go home to your  _girl_ and the next time I'm hurt, stay there."

He took a few steps back like he'd been slapped. Maybe he had been. Her palm was stinging.

"Please let me stay." And that was it. He didn't have a single thing to say about everything she'd thrown at him.

She walked away from him. She threw back two more "aspirins" with a glass of water and slammed her bedroom door behind her.

He was gone in the morning.

Things were tense between the two of them for the next few weeks. And regardless of the promise that he'd made at his mother's rally, she  _had_  lost him.

The team worked around the tension that expanded daily between the two of them. They barely spoke at QC and she emailed him any information that he needed instead of telling him personally. She spent her lunch hour away from the office, away from  _him_.

She hadn't said anything she didn't mean that night. She could have done it more politely but really what had he expected?

She'd been annoyed to see his face on her phone's screen the night that Slade Wilson crawled out of his shallow grave. Then she'd just been scared. Sara's rather melodramatic warning had freaked her out.

"Please save Oliver." Had been out of her mouth before she could stop it. And really how pathetic was that? Begging the girlfriend to save the life of the man that Felicity loved?

In the end threats were made and revenge sworn. She listened dully to it all from her place in the lair. Once she knew that Dig was safe and the team was on their way back, she left. She wasn't needed for anything that would happen that night and she wasn't prepared to see Oliver.

She  _missed_ him. But he wasn't hers to miss. Maybe he never really had been.

She was expecting the knock on her door that night. She remained on the couch as he continued knocking. He called her name softly through the door but she ignored it. She heard him slide down the door and knew he planned on staying there.

John Diggle was placed on guard duty the next day. The fact that it was on Oliver's orders went unspoken.

She didn't tell Slade Wilson that he had the wrong girl. She didn't waste her breath because really what did it matter? It may as well be her here instead of Laurel. She couldn't bear the thought of Detective Lance losing a daughter. Again. She respected and in her own way loved the man like the father she'd never had.

So she stayed silent.

Slade had grabbed her after a rather unsuccessful date the night before. And really wasn't that just the kicker. Not only had she failed to find a man who she had actual chemistry with but the tall, dark stranger who'd approached her afterwards hadn't wanted her either. Not in any way she was interested in anyways.

So here she knelt. On a cold, dirty cement floor next to Sara Lance.

Her disappearance might not have triggered any alarms but she was sure that Sara's would. So she waited silently. She ignored the bickering going on between Sara and Slade and waited.

"Felicity."

She ignored her. It wasn't very mature and certainly not very polite but she just couldn't do this right now. She was going to die tonight but she didn't have to like it. She didn't have to pretend that it was  _fair._ Because as much as she liked Sara, and she did, the other woman had shown up and  _stolen_ something from her. Oliver may never have been hers, but her dignity and her place on Team Arrow had been. And Sara had slowly but surely pushed her out.

And now Felicity was going to die. Oliver would never show up at her apartment again and ask to spend the night because he'd made his choice ages ago.

Slade may as well pull the trigger now. Then at least Oliver wouldn't have to watch.

"Do you really think so, Miss Smoak?" Slade taunted.

Well apparently her last thoughts had stumbled past her lips. She didn't reply.

"I'd much rather  _watch_ Oliver face death, whether it be your own or Sara's. Although you're probably right to be concerned, Love. He has chosen her before." He continued.

Sara was yelling obscenities but Felicity continued to stare at the empty space in front of her. Her fingers lay loosely in her lap. And how fitting was that? Sara had metal chains around both her ankles and wrists and Felicity knelt with all limbs free. Even in Slade's eyes she was the weaker link. He was wrong.

The door in front of her burst open and Oliver thundered into the room. The hood was raised but she knew without seeing that he was furious. He shouted at Slade but all she heard was white noise. She took a deep breath. And then she took another. Her gaze raised from Oliver's feet to his face. And for the first time in months she didn't feel like glaring at him. He was here and that was all that mattered. Tears fell down her cheeks as she tried to smile. She saw his mouth twist in horror before she turned away from him. She gazed at Sara for a moment. The woman cocked her head, questions shining in her eyes.

"Take care of him." Felicity pleaded thickly.

Oliver shouted behind her as she twisted to face Slade and moved slowly to her feet.

"I'll shoot you, Miss Smoak" Slade growled in warning as she took a step forward.

She nodded, tears running freely down her cheeks. She took another step forward and he raised the gun to her forehead.

"No!" Oliver roared.

Felicity took the final step forward. She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against the barrel of the gun.

Oliver was shouting and pleading from his place and she couldn't listen to it anymore. She raised shaking hands and covered her ears.

"Do it." She whispered brokenly. She didn't want to die. Especially with Oliver watching. But she wouldn't allow another to die in her place.

She counted to ten. And then she counted to twenty. She pressed her hands more firmly against her ears as Slade and Oliver shouted back and forth.

She shuddered as something whistled past the hand covering her ear. The gun scraped across her forehead before moving away. Her eyes popped open in time to watch Slade Wilson's body crumple at her feet. The bullet in his forehead was still smoking. The gun lay uselessly in his fingers as blood pooled around his body. She stared for another moment before she stepped over the body and walked out of the building. She didn't stop walking.

He was standing in her living room when she got home. He was still in full Arrow gear and her window was open. Apparently he didn't plan on being ignored. She stepped out of her shoes and dropped her keys on the side table. She threw her jacket on the back of the couch and walked right past him. She closed the bathroom door behind her and stripped out of her clothes. Every item of clothing landed in the garbage can. She stepped under the hot spray of her shower and closed her eyes as she washed her hair and scrubbed at the dirt. Only when she was standing in a towel did she look at herself in the mirror. There were bruises marring her ivory skin from where Slade had grabbed her over the past 24 hours.

But he was dead. So what were a few bruises?

She stepped out of the bathroom and got dressed slowly. She towel-dried her hair for several minutes before she was ready to face him.

He hadn't moved since she'd walked into the apartment. Tension was rolling off of him in waves and he might actually be angrier now than he'd been when he walked into the warehouse. She gave him a wide berth as she walked into the kitchen for a glass of water. She leaned against the sink and sipped slowly as she watched him.

She washed her glass and placed it in the drying rack. She stepped forward and folded her arms across her chest as she slowly turned to face her. He hadn't lowered the hood and she wasn't sure if it was for his benefit or  _hers._

"How's Sara?" She asked finally and was happy to note that no traces of bitterness accompanied the question. They were past that.

She watched as his fists clenched. A sharp growl tore its way through his throat and it was her only warning before he stalked forwards. She backed up hastily until she met the wall but he kept coming. His body pressed up against hers and she could  _feel_ just how angry he was. It was in every muscle and sinew of his body.

"Are you  _stupid_?" He demanded with more hostility than he usually gave criminals.

She raised her chin defiantly. "Are  _you_?"

He practically snarled his next words. "I asked you _first_."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah well, a psychopath tried to kill your girlfriend tonight and you're  _here_ so that actually answers  _my_ question."

His fist crumbling the drywall about a foot to the left of her shoulder was his only response.

She narrowed her eyes. "You're paying for that, Jerk."

He pushed off the wall and away from her. She shivered at the sudden loss of warmth.

"What the hell were you thinking? Why- why, shit." His anger was replaced by anguish as he sucked in a ragged breath. " _Why_ did you do that?"

Her arms folded across her chest defensively as she stepped away from the wall. "I wasn't willing to be another victim on your conscience. So I made the choice so you wouldn't have to." She raised her chin. "And I'd do it again."

A sound of total brokenness echoed through the room and she was amazed that it had come from  _him._

"And you think your death wouldn't have destroyed me?" He whispered anxiously, accusingly.

She shrugged as tears gathered in her eyes. "You made your choice months ago." Oliver let out a strangled groan. "I decided we didn't need to rehash it."

He turned away from her and his tears glistened in the moonlight that was filtering in through the open window.

"So you offered yourself up, so I wouldn't do it myself?" He asked with disgust.

She knew that her next answer was an important one. Logically she knew that he cared about her. In his own way he actually  _loved_ her. He was thoughtless and selfish and  _stupid_ but all of the hurts he'd caused her had been unintentional.

"No. I decided not to be a pawn in a men's game of revenge. I decided that I was willing to die."

And it was the truth. She'd had her doubts and she'd been furious as she knelt there. But when she'd seen him those feelings had disappeared. Because she loved him, and she didn't want him to face a choice that would destroy him.

"I decided to be the hero for once." She added when he didn't answer her. "I decided to save you this time."

She was in his arms before she saw him move. Her own arms wrapped around his waist as she laid her cheek against his thundering heart. Their tears mingled as they held each other tightly.

"I'm so sorry." He promised against her forehead. "I am never going to be able to explain how sorry I am. There's too much to say and not enough words to say it."

She nodded against the leather covering his chest. "I know." She sniffled. "I'm sorry too."

They held each other silently for what could have been a lifetime or only stolen moments in time.

"Can I stay the night?" He whispered desperately against her neck.

He held her like his life depended on it. So she didn't ask him about Sara. She didn't ask why he needed to be there. She just accepted that he was.

She pulled away from him and he stiffened, preparing himself for rejection. Her hand slowly lowered his hood before dropping to tangle her fingers with his. She pulled him towards her room.

He held her throughout the night.

And was gone in the morning.

Sara moved in with her father the next day. Nothing was said about the end of her relationship with Oliver but she no longer fought with the team or worked at Verdant.

Felicity sent a "Thank You" card to Deadshot for his timely sniping. Apparently A.R.G.U.S had wanted Slade Wilson gone as much as Oliver had.

Life moved on slowly and on occasion, awkwardly. Team Arrow struggled to move past Felicity's willing sacrifice. Roy had been surprisingly the most vocal in his disapproval. He yelled furiously and incoherently for several minutes before crushing her to his chest in the tightest hug she'd ever received.

Diggle had dropped passive aggressive comments for several days before her patience snapped. The two of them had yelled at each other before falling into a rather tearful truce.

Things with Oliver were predictably the most uncomfortable. His eyes followed her every movement, not even glancing away when she raised her own gaze in challenge.

He was fighting a war within himself and she wasn't quite sure if he was winning or losing. She wasn't really sure if he  _wanted_ to win or lose.

Four weeks after Slade Wilson's death, Felicity Smoak cut her finger on the paperwork she was setting down on Oliver's desk. He raised an eyebrow at her and she shrugged. She stuck the bleeding digit in her mouth before turning and walking back to her desk.

Nine hours later she was sitting on her couch watching Supernatural when he knocked on her door. He was standing in the hall with a box of Band-Aids and a carton of mint chip ice cream. Her face must have shown her confusion.

"I thought I'd stop by to see how you were feeling." He supplied as a playful grin lit up his handsome face. "Nasty business, papercuts."

Felicity stared at him for a second before laughter bubbled in her chest and spilled from her lips. She could practically  _see_ him patting himself on the back as he pushed past her and made himself at home on her couch.

And just like that things were fixed between them.

"Can I stay the night?" He asked later on as they both sleepily stared at the credits rolling on the screen. Her head rested against his chest and his fingers played absently with the ends of her hair. His thumb lazily pressed a button or two on the remote control and the room went dark.

They were both asleep before she could answer.

"You had no  _right!_ " Felicity shrieked as she threw open the door to her apartment and stomped away from him.

He stalked after her, slamming the door behind him "Are you kidding me? Seriously?"

She whirled around to face him and almost bounced off his chest. His hand shot out to steady her but she shook him off. His glare deepened as she stepped back.

"He was totally harmless!" She snapped. "He was  _cute_ and it was none of your damn business, Oliver!"

Oliver growled. "He had his hand halfway up your skirt,  _Felicity_."

She stomped her foot. "He did  _not!_ "

Actually his hand had been about a  _quarter_ of the way up her skirt. Semantics. And the fact that the guy thought her name was Ashley because they were on a mission? Details.

"He had his disgusting paws all over you. I can't believe you're making a big deal out of this!" He shot back with a scowl.

"A big deal? You got us kicked out of the club, Oliver! You're just lucky that we'd finished the mission before you broke his jaw!"

He rolled his eyes. "Jerk's lucky I didn't break everything else."

She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Whatever, Oliver. It's not your job to defend my honour _._ "

His eyes narrowed and he stepped into her space. "What is  _that_ supposed to mean?"

She bit her lip and shrugged. "It means that you're not my boyfriend, Oliver."

A puff of warm air caressed her forehead as he exhaled in surprise. They were silent for a moment. "What if I was?"

Her arms dropped to her sides. What? "Excuse me?"

He exhaled raggedly before stepping even closer. His hand grasped her elbow lightly. "What if I was your boyfriend?"

Her heart was beating erratically against her ribcage. A smile was fighting its way across her lips. "Theoretically?"

He nodded seriously.

"Theoretically it would be okay to punch a guy with his hand up your girlfriend's skirt. Although that's certainly not a good enough reason to date somebody and furthermore I-"

His lips cut off the rest of her words soundly. She froze for just a moment before throwing herself into the kiss. His hands were tangled in her hair as she gripped his shoulders. His tongue slowly teased the entrance of her lips and her mouth opened on a sigh. Their tongues tangled for a moment before the kiss became more frantic. Years of sexual tension descended on them as Oliver's teeth grazed her throat. His hands moved from her hips over her ass, pressing her firmly against him and she shuddered. She placed her palms against his shoulders and shoved him back a step.

His eyes were nearly black and her fingers curled in his dress shirt.

"You should probably stay the night." She told him as she gasped for the air he'd robbed her of.

He didn't need to be told twice.

They made it to her bedroom.

 


	3. Chapter 3

"Oliver!" She cried, voice full of pain.

Oliver jerked into a sitting position and his eyes darted to where she lay next to him. Why was she in pain? Her eyes were wide and frantic and she was mouthing his name but no sound escaped.

"Tell me what's wrong!" He demanded. His hand shot forward to brush the blond curls from her eyes. She jerked beneath his hand and blood poured from her mouth.

"No!" He roared as he saw the hole that her hands were desperately trying to cover. "No!"

"I love you, Oliver." She whispered as the life faded from her eyes.

"Felicity!" He bellowed as he shot up in his bed. His shoulders heaved and tears fell down his cheeks. He jerked his head to the left and saw Sara's wide eyes from where she'd been sleeping.

It wasn't real. It hadn't happened. Probably.

He jumped out of bed and scrambled across the floor to the display case. He heard Sara calling out to him but he dressed quickly and draped the quiver over his shoulder.

He moved quickly through the night. The bike would have been faster but he needed to work off the nervous energy and residual panic that was screeching through his veins. He could still hear her voice, the panic and then her final words. They chased him through the streets even though they'd never actually been uttered. She hadn't been shot and she hadn't died in his arms. She was safe. She had to be.

He pushed himself harder, jumping from building to building. Aided when necessary by the repelling device she had installed on his bow. He reached her apartment seventeen minutes after he'd woken up. He quickly scaled the fire escape until he was outside the window of her living room. He debated for a moment about breaching her privacy but the need to see her won out. He quietly picked the lock and let himself into her apartment through the sliding door.

He and Diggle were going to have to upgrade her security system.

He stalked gracefully through her apartment towards the door ajar at the end of the hallway. He paused for a moment and took a deep breath before slowly pushing it open wide. His shrewd gaze assessed every inch of her room for a threat. He stepped back into the shadows and exhaled as his eyes finally settled on the sleeping blond. He could see the gentle rise and fall of her chest. Her blond curls tumbled around her shoulders and over the pillow that she lay on. Her glasses were neatly folded on the side table next to her phone and tablet.

She was alright. She was safe.

"Oliver?" His head snapped up to find her standing across his desk. The expression on her face held worry and he wondered how many times she'd said his name before he'd heard her.

"Felicity." He really shouldn't say her name like that, like a prayer. But it had only been twelve hours since he'd dreamt of her death and the relief of seeing her standing there was immense.

Her eyebrow quirked. "Are you alright? You seem kind of  _off_."

He watched as her eyes assessed him. He wondered if he looked half as tired and weary as he felt. What must she see when she looked at him? Did she see exhaustion in the lines of his face? Or perhaps frustration in the way he'd loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top button of his dress shirt.

"You're not getting enough sleep." She concluded finally. "It's almost quitting time. Maybe you should head to the lair for some sleep. Dig can wear the hood tonight and-"

"No. I'm fine. I'll sleep later." He insisted.

She narrowed her eyes at the obvious lie. "You know that's not true. You look more tired every day, Oliver."

"I'm fine."

Her shoulders slumped and she bit her lip. He wanted to apologize but she nodded and turned away from him.

It had taken him hours to fall asleep that night. And he would swear that his eyes had only been closed for minutes when he heard her crying for his help. He was in a large room, endless with darkened corners. And she was begging for his help. But he couldn't see her.

"Oliver, please! It hurts!" She cried.

He fought against the restraints that held him in place. The cuffs bit into his wrists and his ankles as he struggled.

"Oliver! Please?" She begged.

He opened his mouth to call out to her but choked on the gag in his mouth.

"You said you'd always save me." Her words were an accusation that tore right through him.

He raged in the chair, his bellows muffled.

"Save me." Her voice was quieter, duller.

She was going to die and he was going to hear it happen. Tears broke free even as he remained bound.

Silence fell and he knew.

She was gone.

A sob tore through his body as the chair tipped sideways. He fell out of bed and hit the floor. His hands were free and his mouth uncovered.

It wasn't real.

The trip to her home took less time. He'd taken the bike because he had to see her and running wouldn't get him there fast enough.

She had fallen asleep on top of her covers with her tablet. Her glasses were slightly askew on her nose. He smiled. He took a step forward to place her beneath the covers but faltered. She couldn't know that he'd been here.

He backed out of the room and leaned against the doorway.

He watched over her until dawn.

His chin slipped off of his hand and he barely avoided hitting the edge of his desk. He blinked against the afternoon light that was shining into his office before turning to gaze upon his blond assistant. She was watching him and had clearly seen him nodding off. Her lips pursed for a moment in concern before she shook her head and focused once more on her computer.

She was angry with him. He could see it in the tense lines of her shoulders and the thin set of her lips. Dig nodded in her direction before clapping him on the shoulder and leaving for the night. Sara and Roy were both working upstairs.

He placed his bow on its holder and sighed. He bowed his head and tried to summon the energy for whatever fight awaited him. He took a deep breath and turned to face her. He was surprised to see that she had turned her chair to face him and was studying him with those eyes that missed nothing. He hadn't heard her move.

"You need to take a break." She told him.

He shook his head. "Crime in this city never rests, Felicity and-"

"And apparently neither do you!" She snapped. "I understand that you're stressed out and you have secrets coming out your eyeballs. I know that Slade freaks you out and that Laurel is a mess. And things with your mom are toxic and you have to lie to poor Thea. I know that you're fighting to keep Roy from going Vader on us. I  _know_ , Oliver. I know."

"Then why are we fighting?" He wondered quietly, leaning against his table.

"Because you're not sleeping. You're barely eating. You're working yourself too hard and you're taking stupid chances. How many hours of sleep have you gotten this week? 10? 12?" She frowned as her teeth worried her bottom lip.

He'd guess it was more like 6 or 7 hours and none of it had been restful. He'd been plagued with dreams of Felicity dying in new and horrible ways each night for the past week and a half. He spent more time watching her sleep than doing anything else.

"You almost got shot tonight, Oliver. And don't tell me you didn't. I heard it. You didn't see the guy coming because you're so tired." Her eyes were shiny but he knew she wouldn't cry.

"I'm fi-"

"Do  _not_ say you are fine, Oliver Queen! Because you aren't! You're a zombie and you're going to get yourself  _killed_!" She cleared her throat as her voice broke on the last word.

He was scaring her. Every time he went out as the Arrow she was afraid he wasn't going to come back. And if he was being honest, it was becoming more and more likely. Because that guy  _had_ almost shot him tonight.

"You're afraid."

She shrugged and a smile tugged at his lips. He moved towards her and knelt in front of her.

"Thank you." He filled those two words with as much gratitude as he could muster. Because his fears about her safety were keeping him from sleeping, from living. And her fears for him were driving her to fight.

She would forever be too good for him.

She reached out hesitantly and cupped his cheek. He leaned against her hand, even though he knew it wasn't fair to her or to Sara.

"You're so afraid of Slade winning. But he already has, Oliver. As long as you're not sleeping, not living, he wins. You can't fight him like this." She took a deep breath and forced a smile on her face that didn't quite touch her eyes. "So please try to get some sleep.  _Try_."

He managed an hour before he woke screaming her name. He scrambled to his knees as his surroundings came into focus. Sara stood at the end of the bed with folded arms across her chest and pouted lips.

"We need to talk, Ollie." She demanded softly.

He didn't want to hear it. He desperately needed to make sure that Felicity was alright. Logic told him that she'd been alright the last 16 times he'd checked on her. But logic couldn't quite overpower his fear.

"Later." He replied, already moving towards the door.

"I'll be at my dad's." She called after him.

It wasn't a threat. And even if it had been, it wouldn't have kept him there.

She marched into his office with a frown on her face. She placed a cup of coffee on the desk in front of him and he picked it up. She watched as he swallowed half of the searing beverage in one go.

"I shouldn't even be bringing you that! It just encourages you not to sleep!" She accused. "You promised you'd try, Oliver."

He didn't know what to tell her.

He couldn't explain that he'd watched Slade cut her into little pieces the night before and only after he'd crawled through her window was he able to breathe again.

So he reached out and covered her hand with his own.

"I'm trying, I promise." And he was.

The worry lines didn't disappear from their place between her blue eyes. But she gave him a half-smile and left him to his thoughts.

He and Sara ended things later that week. Few words were spoken, fewer were needed. She knew who he dreamt of and where he spent his nights. She knew that he couldn't breathe until he knew for sure that Felicity was safe each night. She didn't resent him and he appreciated that.

Sleeping alone didn't stop the nightmares though.

And Diggle and Roy had officially been trading off on Arrow duties for six days now. He had barely enough strength to make it from work to the lair each night. Felicity manned the comms and Oliver worked out in an effort to exhaust himself to sleep.

It never worked.

He was halfway up the salmon ladder when his arms gave out. He fell to the ground beneath the ladder and lay on his back as the room spun above him.

"Oliver!" Felicity cried out.

The sound of her heels clacking against the floor announced her arrival and she dropped to her knees beside him. Her hands cupped his cheeks as her face swam in and out of view.

"I'm so tired." He mumbled.

Something wet landed on his forehead and she sniffled. "I know, Oliver. I know."

She placed his head on her lap and ran her fingers through his hair. His eyes closed. And he slept.

He woke hours later. His head was cushioned on something soft and a hand lay against his cheek. He tilted his chin and saw that his head was pillowed on Felicity's stomach. She was stretched out on the mat, asleep.

She had stayed. And he hadn't dreamt.

His chest expanded as he gazed down at the blond in front of him. She was the most beautiful, kindest woman who'd ever lived. He scooped her up carefully and she turned in his arms. Her nose grazed against his collarbone and he shuddered. He carried her over to his bed and placed her beneath the covers. He watched her for a few moments before he climbed into the bed with her.

She mumbled his name softly in her sleep and he smiled. He pulled her gently into his arms and she nestled her head against his chest. Sleep took him quickly.

And when he dreamt of the blond sleeping in his arms, she wasn't hurt or dying. She was simply  _his._

 


	4. Chapter 4

"We'll find them, Oliver."

Roy's assurances did nothing to temper the rage rising within him. His swallowed the roar that was clawing its way up his throat and surged forwards. His movements were automatic and fueled by the frustration that was doing its best to consume him. His knuckles cracked painfully against the training dummy. The force behind his latest punch caused the dummy to splinter and then break.

His chest was heaving as he spun on his heel and leapt up onto the salmon ladder. His breaths were escaping too fast and his lungs burned as he jerked his way upwards. His body was exhausted but his mind wouldn't rest. Images from his past and present merged with the future that Slade planned for him and he just  _couldn't_ stay still.

Dig said he was punishing himself.

And he was. Because they were out there. Slade had  _taken_ them. And it was all his damn fault.

He reached the top and flipped himself upside down. His knees hooked around the bar as he started a torturous round of hanging sit ups.

Sara had convinced him months ago that she was always going to be Slade's target, regardless of their relationship. It was the only reason he'd allowed himself the selfish pleasure of her company. Because he'd known the truth in her words. She had lived when Shado died and even if Slade blamed Oliver alone, he'd always hunt Sara for surviving.

His eyes wandered to the empty chair in front of the computers and a low snarl escaped his lips.

Felicity being taken  _was_ his fault. He had brought her into this life. He'd selfishly become attached to the quirky blonde from the first moment he'd met her. She was the first person to elicit amusement and genuine lightheartedness from him since the Queen's Gambit had gone down. One awkward ramble and some blind faith later and he had become addicted to her  _light_. He found himself going back to see her every chance he had and appreciated the fact that she ignored his horrific excuses. He drew her into his world, not just because he needed her help, but because he needed  _her._ Felicity was everything good in a world so full of bad and he'd coveted her.

And now she was gone.

He couldn't catch his breath and he wasn't sure if it was the physical exhaustion. The snarling ribbon of fear that was twisting through his veins had finally found its voice.  _You're never going to see her again. She'll die and it will be all your fault._

Oliver dropped heavily to the training mat and sunk to his knees. This was all his fault.

She was his best friend. She was the only person in his life who truly  _knew_ him and had never judged him. She thought he was a hero.

He knew without a doubt that she believed he'd save them. She had unwavering belief in him and she would hold onto that.

And he would fail her. He'd already done it countless times already.

He failed her when he left her buried underneath a building after the Undertaking. He failed her when he allowed the Count to live the first time, and the second. He'd allowed petty jealousy to twist his behaviour towards her after Barry Allen walked into their lives. He'd questioned her abilities and had put her in a place where she felt the need to prove herself to him.  _He_ had almost gotten her killed more times than he could count at this point.

He failed her when he slept with Isobel.

And he failed her when he chose to be with Sara. Felicity had never said a word. She'd held her chin high and had been nothing but her usual lovely self to Sara. But he'd hurt her. He'd seen it in the way she pushed herself to be better, in the way he'd caught her training alone in the basement.

He'd made her question just how much she meant to him.  _Because of the life I lead, I just think that it's better to not be with someone that I could really care about._

And then he and Sara had gotten together.

A better man would have talked to her about it. A good man would have explained his reasons.

But what would he have said? Because he cared about Sara and he was with her anyways. That he didn't need to watch Sara's back the way he would if he was with Felicity? That he and Sara were cut from the same cloth and so irreversibly damaged that he knew he couldn't hurt Sara?

All of those things felt true but she would have scoffed. Because Felicity always saw things differently than he did. Felicity felt things in ways that he and Sara weren't even capable of anymore.

So he hadn't said anything. He'd ignored the warning bells in his head that he was hurting her  _again._ He'd ignored  _her_.

And now she was gone.

She had no idea just how  _much_ he cared about her.

But Slade had figured it out. Slade had picked up on the fact that he was keeping his EA at an arm's length for a reason. He'd seen everything that Oliver had struggled not to  _feel_ for her. He'd seen what Oliver had successfully hidden from Felicity.

He couldn't live without her.

And now he might have to.

A hand landed on his shoulder and Oliver realised he was on his knees, staring at his empty hands. His breath had long since evened and the sweat on his skin had cooled.

"I'm going to go grab something to eat." Dig told him. There was an edge to his voice that had never been there before. But Felicity had never been in so much danger before.

He nodded and his friend squeezed his shoulder once before turning and leaving the lair. He scrambled to his feet and walked by Roy who was taking his own frustrations out on a punching bag. He felt the boy's gaze on him as he stalked out of the room and towards the shower.

Sara and Felicity had been missing for 87 hours when Slade finally called Oliver. The first time.

" _I assume by now you've realised that I've taken something of yours." Slade taunted._

" _I swear to God, if you hurt them. I'll fu-" Oliver growled._

_Slade cut him off. "Tsk tsk. Language, Mr. Queen." He chuckled in a way that made Oliver's skin crawl. "I think you need some time to think about your temper."_

_Oliver's mouth popped open in shock._

" _I'll call you again soon."_

It was 32 hours and 27 minutes later when Slade called again.

" _How much sleep have you gotten lately, old friend?" Slade wondered in lieu of greeting._

" _Slade." His teeth ground together to keep from saying anything else._

" _You must be quite tired. Probably not getting enough sleep." He laughed. "Don't want to make our final battle too easy on me, do you?"_

_A growl ripped its way through his teeth._

" _Hmmm. Not quite begging yet, I see." Slade's tone held nothing but amusement. "Well luckily, I have all the time in the world." He paused. "But do they? Something to think on."_

Oliver Queen was drunk. He was ten sheets to the wind, forget three, and he was half-hoping he'd die from it. Because he hadn't been hopeful to begin with. But it had been 92 hours, 38 minutes and 12 seconds since Slade had last called.

They were both dead for all he knew. Slade's plan might be to call him once a week for the rest of his life to remind him to fight for something that might already be lost.

He had feared the choice that Slade would force on him. But what if Slade had already chosen for him?

Fatigue overwhelmed him but when he slept, he dreamt. His dreams were full of bleeding and broken women, usually Felicity. His mind put images to his fears as he imagined the ways Slade was torturing them.

Oliver laid his cheek on the cool bar of the darkened club and his tears pooled on the counter as his eyes closed.

Oliver dodged Roy's fist and sidestepped to gain the upper hand. The two of them whirled around the training mats furiously as Diggle watched to the side. Oliver was tiring so he feinted left before ducking right and taking Roy's feet out from under him. Roy landed squarely on his back and Oliver pulled him to his feet. Diggle tossed them both a bottle of water.

"Your control has improved, Roy." Dig encouraged as they cooled off.

Roy had been singularly focused on bringing Felicity home and it had helped temper the warring emotions deep within. The two had developed a friendship over the past months and Oliver knew that Roy was desperate to get his friend back.

Sara and Felicity had been gone for three weeks.

The third phone call from Slade had been the wake-up call that Oliver had needed. He'd been nursing the worst hangover of his life and almost praying for death when his phone buzzed.

" _Oliver, my boy. Are we feeling desperate?" Slade wondered._

" _Please, Slade. God. Please, I'll do anything." Oliver begged._

_Slade had laughed so loudly that Oliver had pulled the phone from his ear. He jumped to his feet and began pacing._

" _Ah! You're weakening, Kid."_

_Oliver was quiet for a moment. "Are they still alive?"_

_Slade was silent and Oliver checked his phone three times to make sure he hadn't hung up._

" _Oliver?"_

_His knees hit the hard pavement when Felicity's voice filtered through the phone. A hand clutched at his chest as his breathing quickened._

" _Felicity, Oh Felicity." His voice was thick with tears as he murmured her name like the prayer that it was._

" _I'm okay, Oliver." She sounded so tired. "We're both okay and-"_

" _Ah ah ah, Miss Smoak." Slade chided. "I think you need some more time, old friend."_

_The phone beeped to indicate the dropped call._

" _Felicity!" Oliver roared even though he knew she was gone._

Slade had made a fatal error that night. He thought that he'd drive Oliver crazy by allowing him to hear her voice. But he'd done the opposite. Oliver now had a single-minded purpose; bring them home.

His mother had taken over CEO duties and he spent every minute training, sleeping, eating and searching for Slade. He was done sulking, done drinking himself to death.

He was going to find them, he was going to find  _her_ and Slade Wilson would pay.

He found them one month, two weeks, 6 days, 43 minutes and 17 seconds after he realised Felicity was missing.

He'd torn apart the Glades in his search before moving onto Starling City. With the help of Detective Lance, Nyssa, Dig, Roy and the Suicide Squad they finally found them.

And the fact that Slade had been keeping them in the mansion next to the Queen Estate the whole time? Oliver owed the bastard another arrow for that one.

He'd found them by accident.

A fresh argument with his mother about responsibilities and  _priorities_  had driven him from the house. He'd stormed out of the mansion, past his bike and just started walking. The lair was so  _empty_ without Felicity that he didn't want to be there when it wasn't necessary. So he walked and wandered the vast estate for the first time since he'd come home.

He'd almost reached the property lines when he recognized the blue SUV parked in front of the neighbour's home. He quickly climbed a tree that overlooked the yard and his eyes narrowed on the license plate.

Everything after that was a blur. Various meetings with the assorted teams later and they were all advancing on the home that Slade had been living in for quite some time. Shots were exchanged and assassins fought hand to hand.

Detective Lance was circling around back with the Suicide Squad and he knew that Deadshot was ready. He pushed through the mansion, sidestepping the scuffles between his allies and Slade's.

He was expecting to find two women chained to a wall, or kneeling on a cold floor bloody and bruised. He was completely thrown off but filled with relief when he found them sitting together on a couch in the living room.

"So glad you could join us, old friend." Slade announced from his place across the room. He was sitting at a heavy wooden desk, watching Oliver with amusement.

Oliver's eyes slid from Slade to Sara who was closest to the man. She seemed tired but unharmed. She gave him a half-smile before he focused on Felicity. He released the breath he didn't know he'd been holding when he saw that her beautiful skin was unmarked. Her blue eyes were full of tears as she smiled at him.  _I knew you'd come_.

He cleared his throat as he stared at her. She was alright. She was alive. He closed his eyes for just a moment before he turned back to face Slade.

"I must say, I expected a much more broken man." Slade's words were full of disappointment. "Perhaps I overestimated your feelings for these women?"

Oliver's eyes narrowed but he didn't respond. "What's your plan, Slade?"

He could hear the sounds of his allies fighting through the comm in his ear. They were winning.

"Well, to be honest I had hoped to drag this out a little longer. I had vague notions of sending you photos of your lovelies bruised and broken."

Oliver's jaw tightened painfully.

"I played with the idea of sending you pieces of them, bit by bit." Slade continued.

Oliver's hand tightened around his bow as red started to cloud his vision.

"I could kill them here, at your feet."

Oliver stared at the man before stepping forward. "If you planned on killing them, you'd have done it already." He moved to stand between the women and Slade. "You just wanted me weak for the final fight."

"And are you?" Slade wondered, pulling the swords from behind his back.

Oliver raised his bow, nodding towards the women at his back. "Get out. And don't come back."

He felt the air shift behind him but neither left. "Sara, get her the hell out of here."

A light hand, free of its usual polish touched his arm. And then they were gone.

"Are you ready to die, Oliver?"

It had been a close fight. The two of them had been moving even before Sara and Felicity made the hallway. She had wanted so badly to turn back but she knew that she couldn't help him in a fight. She also knew that his attention would be divided if she was there. So she'd let Sara pull her away from the sounds of violence that they'd left behind.

And he'd almost died. Slade's blade had sliced through his chest as Oliver had shoved an arrow up through his chin and out of the top of his head. Deadshot had added a few bullets just to make sure that Slade was well and truly dead. After Oliver had collapsed into a pool of his own blood.

Quentin Lance shifted at her side, his arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders. And now one more person knew Oliver's secret.

Oliver had thought ahead and had come in plain clothes. Thank God. Because explaining the leather to the paramedics would have been impossible. His bow and quiver had disappeared somewhere into the back of Lance's cruiser but she wasn't worried. Lance was so relieved to have Sara on his other side that he'd made no remarks about Oliver's identity. He couldn't really be surprised anyway.

Felicity's eyes were puffy and sore as she forced them open and stared at the people in the waiting room. Dig's hand was in Lyla's and Thea Queen was wrapped around Roy. Moira Queen sat across the room, glaring in her general direction. The Suicide Squad had been carted back off to their cells, but not before Felicity had given Floyd Lawton a hug of gratitude. Oliver had been down for the count and Slade was still moving when Deadshot finished the job.

She'd hugged a serial killer yesterday.

And Oliver still hadn't woken up.

It had been almost two months since she'd last seen Oliver. When he walked into the mansion she'd wanted to grab him and never let him go.

Instead she'd allowed herself only a touch of the arm before walking away from him for what could possibly be the last time.

She would do  _anything_ to talk to him again, to hear him say her name the way that  _only_ Oliver had ever said it. She wanted to fight with him when he was being pigheaded and worry about him while he was out saving the world.

He was in surgery for seven hours and thirty-three minutes.

And he'd been now unconscious for 23 hours, 17 minutes and 7 seconds.

The doctors hadn't cleared him for visitors yet. And she knew that despite how she was feeling, how she felt about him, that she would be one of the last to be allowed to see him.

Because his family was here. And so was his girlfriend.

So she'd settle for waiting out the storm and praying to whatever deity was listening. Because Oliver Queen was going to live.

He had to.

Oliver Queen was still 'sleeping'. She called it sleeping because her heart couldn't handle the ramifications of another man she cared about being in a  _coma._ She couldn't handle the idea of Oliver Queen not waking up.

It had been 4 days, 18 hours, 32 minutes and 1 second since he'd lost consciousness.

The personnel in the hospital changed every 12 hours. And the occupants in the waiting room had all changed clothes. But only Detective Lance had left, and only because the law needed upholding, especially with the Arrow in the ICU.

Thea Queen was still wrapped in Roy's arms. Lyla's head was against John's shoulder. Sara Lance sat at Felicity's side quietly.

And Moira Queen was  _still_ glaring at her.

Thea and Moira had of course gotten the abridged version of events. But both of them knew that Sara and Felicity had been kidnapped. And they both knew that Oliver had been nearly killed during a rescue mission. Neither of them understood why  _he_ had felt the need to tag along.

And so Moira Queen was glaring at her. Not Sara, just Felicity.

Felicity loved Oliver. But there wasn't a person on Earth that she hated more than his mother.

Sara's head hit the wall with a dull thunk and a soft snore escaped her lips.

Perhaps the worst part about it all was that neither of them had ever been harmed. Oliver and the team had been out of their minds with worry but Slade had never laid a finger on either one of them.

Terror had reigned supreme when he'd snatched her away in the dead of night. But each day the fear for her own safety diminished slightly. Her fear for Oliver replaced her own.

Because Slade Wilson was a lot of things but no matter how much she thinks he wanted to, no matter how badly it would have hurt Oliver, he hadn't wanted to harm a woman. She'd seen it in his eyes a few days after she and Sara were kidnapped.

Boredom had been a problem as the only entertainment in the house was a bookcase of rather lame novels. She and Sara were kept in separate rooms and weren't allowed to speak when they were together.

But he'd never physically harmed either one of them.

She'd heard the terror in Oliver's voice the day that Slade handed her the phone. And she  _knew_ that he believed the worst. He thought they were either dead, or near death.

And now he was the one in danger.

She was allowed to see him on the sixth day of his 'sleep'. Moira had argued but Thea had cut her mother down in a way that had shocked them all.

" _I swear to God, Mom. If you don't let her in to see him, all of my things will be moved out by the end of the damn day!" Thea sniped as she faced off with her mother. "We want Ollie to wake up. He's been out of his mind the last two months worrying about her. You are_ not  _keeping them apart now."_

Needless to say, she'd had a hard time looking at Sara after that one.

She'd been sitting by his side for 17 hours, 38 minutes and a handful of seconds with her hand covering his when his finger twitched. She was half-asleep so she almost missed it but then he did it again. She slowly moved her gaze from the bruises on his face to the hand that she covered with her own. She brushed her thumb against his palm and his middle finger curled.

"Oliver?" She whispered.

2 minutes and 57 seconds later his left eyebrow twitched. In the back of her mind she realised that she should be shouting for a doctor. But she couldn't look away.

She had spent months visiting Barry and he hadn't so much as sighed.

"Oliver?" Her voice was barely louder than a whisper. "Oliver?"

His lips pressed together into a tight line and his eyebrows furrowed. His chest was rising higher and falling lower. Her grip tightened on his fingers as she willed him to open his eyes. The swelling had faded slightly since he'd come in and his face now resembled its former glory.

"Oliver, please wake up."

A low groan rumbled through his chest and a smile lit up her face.

His lips fell open and closed for a moment or two before he mumbled, "Liss-tee?"

Tears pricked her eyes and she jumped to her feet. "Yeah, Oliver. It's me. I'm right here."

It took another 7 minutes and 39 seconds before his eyelids fluttered and stayed open. Tired blue eyes found her immediately and she could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Don' cry" He mumbled.

She shook her head and wiped blindly at her face with her free hand.

"You're k?" His voice was thick with sleep and anesthetic.

"I'm great, Oliver. You saved our lives. We're okay. Everyone's okay." She assured him as she leaned forward and pressed the call button.

His eyes were unfocused and he licked his lips. A nurse rushed in and exclaimed happily when she saw that her patient was finally awake. The medical team rushed in and tried to push Felicity out of the way.

"No. Stay." He ordered, clearly agitated, shaking his head to clear the fog. "She stays."

The doctor muttered unhappily under his breath but they worked around her. He gripped her hand weakly as he was poked and prodded. His hazy eyes seemed to fight to stay on her.

"Dizzy." He told them before they left.

"Mr. Queen, the painkillers were a high dosage. It will take a while to adjust. You need to stay still as your wounds are still healing. No liquids until we give the okay." The doctor told him before leaving.

Oliver's fingers tightened around Felicity's and she stepped closer to him. He was staring at the place where their hands were joined and his eyes fought to stay open.

"You should sleep, Oliver." She told him softly, allowing herself a moment to trace the stubble on his jaw with her fingers.

"No."

She laughed. She'd wished for a chance to fight with him again, hadn't she? She began to pull away but his grip tightened and his eyes widened. "Where are you going?"

She frowned at him. "Your family is in the hall, Oliver. And so is Sara."

He shook his head. "Stay."

"But, Oliver." She paused when he fixed her with a glare. "They're all worried about you. Let me go get them and-"

"Please don't go." He was panting and she laid a hand on his cheek as he searched for the words. "Just got you back. Went crazy. Don't go."

His eyes were fluttering but the panic was shining in his eyes. She sighed and pressed her lips against his forehead. "I'll stay."

She dropped her hand from his face and sat heavily in the chair next to his bed. His fingers squeezed hers before his breathing evened out. She used one hand to text Thea.

"You can leave you know?" Sara whispered softly. "He's in the clear now."

Felicity shook her head before turning to look at the other woman. "I know this is weird and I'm sorry. I should go. Because you're his girlfriend and so  _you_ should be sitting in this chair holding his hand instead of  _me._ I know that." She blew out a breath. "I know that, but he panicked when I tried to leave. He made me promise not to go. So I stayed. Because he was probably hallucinating but I don't want him to wake up to a broken promise and-"

Sara laid a hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to explain yourself, Felicity. I just meant that you haven't left the hospital since we got here. And you haven't been home in months. I didn't mean that I wanted you to leave. Or that you shouldn't be here."

They were interrupted by the arrival of Thea and Roy. Thea pressed her lips against Felicity's head before settling onto the spacious chair half on top of her.

She thinks that she might be Thea Queen's new best friend.

And she's more than okay with that. The younger Queen is full of spunk and Felicity likes that. She also knows that without Thea, she'd probably still be sitting out in the hallway.

"Speedy."

All of them turned to see Oliver smiling at his little sister. Thea tensed as if to launch herself at her big brother but reached out to grasp his arm instead. His eyes were clearer than they'd been the night before.

"Ollie! Oh, Ollie!" Thea cried.

Felicity extracted her hand from Oliver's with some difficulty and ran it over his sister's back.

"I'm alright, Kiddo." Oliver promised.

"Promise?"

He chuckled. "Promise."

His chest throbbed but he'd take the pain over the hazy high of painkillers every day of the week. He was alive and the pain reminded him of that.

Felicity hadn't quite been able to meet his eyes since he'd woken up. But she hadn't left either.

He smiled at Sara where she stood at the foot of the bed. Wordless communication passed between the two of them.

_I'm sorry._

_I forgive you._

She walked to the side of his bed and pressed her lips against his forehead.

_Goodbye Ollie._

She smiled at the others before walking from the room. Thea's eyes held amusement and understanding, Roy was looking particularly smug. And Felicity still wasn't looking at him.

"Speedy, could you give us a few minutes?"

Thea only grinned over at him before jumping to her feet and dragging Roy out of the room. She shut the door firmly behind her.

"Felicity." His lips curled around her name and he smiled.

"You know, you're the only one who says my name like that." She told him conversationally, staring down at her fingers

"Like  _what_?" He knew of course. There wasn't a word he enjoyed saying more than her name. He was able to communicate exactly how he was feeling just by saying her name in a certain tone. He had it down to a science.

"I'm happy you're awake." She said instead of answering him. "The thing is that I kept referring to you as sleeping, you know the way that I did when Barry first fell into a coma. But it didn't really work because you were actually in a coma and I couldn't pretend the way I did with Barry. So I sat in that waiting room with your family and Digg. And officer Lance, who knows your secret by the way, but I don't think you have to worry about it and wow I've been talking for a long time and you can really stop me at any point, in fact I'd really appreciate it," She glanced up at him finally. "And why are you smiling instead of stopping the verbal fallout here?" She glared at him. "Why didn't you stop me with a well-timed  _Felicity_?"

He reached for her hand and refused to answer until she reached forward and placed her palm against him own.

"Because I've spent the last two months thinking I'd never hear you ramble again." His thumb traced over her fingers slowly. "I thought I'd never listen to you mumble your way through sexual innuendos and awkward topics. The silence in the lair and the office nearly drove me crazy."

She was watching his fingers dance across her own.

"Slade Wilson figured out the one thing I can't live without." His pulse quickened as the confession passed his lips. He'd spent so much time holding her back, keeping her safe from himself. He pushed the panic back as her eyes rounded and landed on his own.

"My rambling?" She squeaked.

Oliver laughed and his chest burned against the movement.

"Yeah, sort of. You, Felicity Smoak." He shook his head. "Why do you think I was so desperate for you to stay last night?"

She mumbled quietly and he raised an eyebrow. She sighed. "I figured you were high out of your mind and seriously confused."

He groaned. "I'm an idiot. But I have never been confused about my feelings for you, Felicity. Just never sure about what to do with them."

She bit her lip. "Do I get a vote this time?"

His lips raised in the smile only she had ever managed to pull from him.

"I vote you do something about it." She challenged.

"I'll take that into consideration." He teased.

"Oli-verrr." She grumbled.

"You should go home, get some rest." He told her seriously. She looked exhausted.

She nodded before kissing him softly on the cheek. She turned to go.

"Hey, Felicity?" She glanced at him over her shoulder. "Thanks for staying the night."

She wrinkled her nose with a grin of her own. "Next time you ask me to stay the night, Oliver Queen, it had better not be in a hospital. And it had better not be in a platonic way."

Her confident orders were only slightly undermined by the blush staining her cheeks.

"We've got a deal,  _Felicity_." He promised her heatedly.

She licked her lips and then she left.

But she came back. She was there every time he woke up. And she was there when he was finally released.

And the next time he asked her to stay the night? There was  _nothing_ platonic about it.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Oliver shot up in his bed with a start. His chest heaved as his mind tried to pick through the fragments of the nightmare that had awakened him. He was missing something. Something huge.

It had been two days since Slade had returned Thea, and Isobel had taken over the company. He and Felicity were officially jobless. A snarky email had been waiting for the blonde when she arrived at the Foundry the morning after. She hadn't allowed him to read it but he'd heard her mumbling about false accusations and dirty rumours.

Oliver's jaw snapped shut and he leapt out of bed. Sara stirred but he was already halfway across the room.

Slade Wilson knew just about everything about his life nowadays. But he hadn't mentioned Felicity when he'd threatened Oliver. So Oliver had assumed, hoped really, that perhaps she'd escaped his notice.

He grabbed his helmet, ran up the stairs and jumped onto his bike.

There was the slightest possibility that Felicity had escaped Slade's notice.

But Isobel had certainly taken notice of her. She'd done nothing but snap at the blonde and made barely concealed innuendos about how Felicity had gotten the job. She had outright accused him of sleeping with her and more than once hinted that she believed there was not only sex but a relationship between the two of them.

Isobel Rochev thought that he was involved with Felicity. She might even believe that he loved her.

And she was working with Slade.

He parked his bike at the curb and sprinted up the steps to her condo. He quickly picked the lock and let himself inside her home. He locked the door behind him and promised himself that he'd work on a better alarm system for her in the morning.

If he didn't put her on a plane to nowhere tonight that is.

"Oliver?"

Lost in his thoughts, he hadn't noticed the blonde sitting on her couch. She was wide-eyed as she stared up at him, her tablet in her lap.

"What's wrong? Oh my God. Did something happen? Oliver, please tell me Digg is okay. Or is it Roy? Oh shit, I knew we should have talked him into staying and –"

" _Felicity_! I'm sorry, no one is hurt." He did his best to reassure her even as his panic from before increased as she rambled.

What if something happened to her and he was never treated to a Felicity Smoak ramble again? His heart clenched and his fists balled.

"Then why are you here?" She asked quietly.

He quirked his head to the side at her question. There was confusion and shock in her voice and he couldn't quite figure out why. He glanced around the room for the first time. The walls were pale grey but her personality was reflected in the colourful pictures and accessories that filled her home.

He'd never been here before. He knew where she lived of course. Her home was a part of his nightly patrol, even if it took him twenty-three city blocks out of the Glades.

But he'd never been  _inside_  her home before. Felicity was by his side every day and night but he'd never been in her home before. And he'd just broken in, in the middle of the night.

"Oliver?"

He shook his head and stepped forward. "I just, the thing is that-"

But he wasn't quite sure what to say. Because he'd woken up aware of the fact that she was in danger, kicking himself for not seeing it immediately. But now he was here and he was feeling infinitely out of his element. Because the fear that he'd felt for her and the plans he'd half-made in his head were decidedly not  _friendly_. He'd been thinking like her boyfriend. And he wasn't her boyfriend.

She tilted her head to the side for a moment before smiling tiredly. She patted the couch next to her and he moved forwards and fell into it. She turned her body so that she was facing him as she waited for an explanation.

"I've been so caught up the last two days. First Thea was in danger and then Isobel stole the company." He blew out a breath and ran a hand over his face. "But I missed something. Something so important and I panicked I guess. So now I'm here."

He looked over at her in time to see her wrinkle her nose. "Is that something the realisation that Isobel thinks you and I are sleeping together?" He tensed. "And she happens to be working with the guy who wants you dead, and/or suffering. Which makes me a target."

He sighed heavily. Of course she'd figured it out already. She was way ahead of him.

"I'm sorry." He told her, and he  _really_ meant it. "I should have realised sooner. And I put a target on your back by making you my EA. There were rumours but I didn't think it would be a big deal and now…" He closed his eyes. "And now you're in more danger than before. And part of me wants to put you on a plane to anywhere that isn't  _here_  but he'll find you."

Her soft hand covered his and she swiped her thumb across his knuckles until he opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Oliver, I knew what I was getting into, you know. I knew there would be danger. I mean, Jesus, I had a bomb collar wrapped around my throat on our first mission together! I knew there was danger. I chose this life, Oliver. So stop apologizing please." She smiled at him as brightly as she could.

He shook his head. "Fine, I won't apologize, but we need to keep you safe Felicity. I just picked your lock and walked right into your home. You think that Slade won't do the same to take you?"

Felicity laughed and he glared at her. "This isn't funny, Felicity. I can't, I  _won't_ lose you to him. Please take this seriously."

She tapped the screen on her tablet and handed it to him. His brow furrowed as he stared at the screen. It was a video of him running up her steps and quickly picking the lock. The camera angle changed as he entered the house and it followed his progress into her living room. He turned to her with a raised eyebrow.

"I've been working on it for a few weeks. But we've been so busy that I haven't been able to give it my full attention. As of yesterday, I'm unemployed. Which sucks, even if I didn't love being an EA. But it also gives me the time I need to work on catching Slade and on  _this_." She pointed at the screen again.

"And what exactly  _is_ this, Felicity?" She knew he didn't understand more than basic technology.

She grinned at him and jumped to her feet. She started pacing as she explained it to him. "I started thinking about the fact that I'm vulnerable here. I told Dig not to waste his time outside. He's a target out there and he needs to be watching his own back and Lyla's. Obviously I'm not a physical threat to Slade Wilson, but I  _am_ smarter than him. So I designed this new system." He almost chuckled when he saw the smug look on her face. "You just walked in because I've programmed the system to  _allow_ you to, Oliver."

He watched the video of himself picking the lock again before raising his chin towards her in question. She shook her head and laughed. "It's not just a camera. But I do have those. Lots of them. All over the house and outside every window and door. The cameras are high-tech and so small you can't detect them. They're also fitted with facial recognition and retinal scanners."

She paused and he blew out a breath. "I'm impressed, though I shouldn't really be surprised."

She nodded and her grin widened. "That's not all. The system is foolproof. Only those I have inputted into the system beforehand can enter my home. Which is why you were able to pick the lock and walk right in."

Oliver's earlier panic began to fade. She could take care of herself. "What would happen if Slade were to walk up to your front door, right now?"

Felicity rubbed her hands together. "He'd be hit with an elephant's dose of tranquilizer gas. I explained this to you with Cyrus Gold, that the bone density of a mirakuru-enhanced super-soldier is about 1000 times that of normal human. So I placed a scale beneath the stairs that measures bone density. Therefore anyone who has been injected with mirakuru will get the appropriate amount of tranq gas. This ensures that I don't accidently kill a paper boy…" She trailed off with a grimace.

"Wow." There were no words. She never ceased to amaze him.

"There's also a failsafe, because this is Slade Wilson we're talking about. The moment that security has been breached, an alert will go off on your phones and in the lair." She tugged on her ear lobe. "I've also placed a tracking chip in one of my earrings that will ping your cell phones. Just in case."

He stood quickly and pulled her into his arms. She settled against his chest and he simply breathed.

"You can stay if you'd like." She mumbled against his chest and he could almost feel the heat of her blush through his cotton shirt. "I mean not like  _that_ , obviously. You can stay the night in a  _platonic_ way. I was thinking about watching a movie. Not  _making_  a movie, or porno, because you know there are cameras everywhere and, Oh, my God. 3, 2, 1." She pulled back and he grinned down at her red cheeks.

"Sounds great." He agreed with a chuckle.

They settled back on the couch as Felicity controlled the TV from her tablet. At some point during the movie her head ended up on his shoulder and his hand covered hers. He slumped against the couch and closed his eyes.

Sleep began to take him and his last thought was that he was quickly running out of reasons to push her away. She'd more than proved that she could take care of herself.

 


	6. Chapter 6

It had been a hellish couple of months. An argument could be made that hellish was an understatement. Slade's kidnapping of Thea had only been the tip of the iceberg. With Isobel's help, he'd been able to use Oliver's own company to mass-produce the Mirakuru serum and create 57 super criminals.

Oliver sighed and dropped his head into his hand. The fight had been long and brutal. The psychological warfare at times infinitely more effective than the straight out physical attacks. Finding Slade in the lair, in the one place that they should be safe, had been the scariest moment of his life. When the dust had settled, John was lying in the ICU, Sara had several broken bones and Slade had found a new target; _Felicity._ Oliver had tipped his hand exactly the way that Slade had hoped he would. His first instinct had been to protect Felicity whilst Sara and Dig fought their intruder. Slade had them beat quickly and Oliver remembered the mind-numbing fear that had washed over him as Slade had advanced on the two of them. The fight was over relatively quickly, Oliver had been too distracted by their proximity to Felicity and Slade had taken advantage.

_Oliver felt the desk break beneath him as he crumbled to the floor. His hands were slick with blood, his own. Panic surged within him as he watched through one rapidly swelling eye as Slade stalked towards Felicity. He struggled against the pain and nausea and tried to force his weak legs into movement._

" _Hello, Lovely." Slade whispered lethally._

_Oliver shook his head, desperately trying to stave off the fog. Felicity stood from where Oliver had forced her to hide. He stood quickly only to have his legs collapse beneath him. He roared in frustration as he watched Felicity raise her chin in defiance towards the killer in front of her._

" _It would seem that Ms. Rochev was correct in her assertions that_ you  _were the woman he truly cared for." Slade told her as he stopped a foot in front of her._

_Oliver found his feet once more as a snarl ripped its way through his chest. He stumbled forwards as Slade pulled a sword from his back. "No!" No!" Oliver bellowed._

_Tears stung the corners of his eyes as his legs once again collapsed too many feet from Slade and Felicity. He wasn't going to be able to save her. Felicity's eyes met his and she shot him the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen. His words from months before washed over him and the tears that were blinding him began to fall freely._ There was no choice to make.  _It was clear that she regretted nothing._

_Slade was watching Oliver's agony with a grin of victory. He thrust his sword forward and the tiniest cry escaped Felicity's lips. Oliver's wide eyes assessed the damage as Slade stepped away from the blonde._

" _I've found your weakness now, Kid. Killing her today would be too easy." Slade promised, stepping closer to his prone form. He delivered a swift kick to Oliver's ribs and Felicity cried out. "No, instead I'll leave a mark on her each time we meet. To remind you of your sins, to punish you. And once all of this is over, then I'll kill her. You'll be left holding the scarred and broken body of the woman you love. And then I'll have my revenge." He blew a kiss to Felicity. "I'll see you around, Sweetheart. You and I have a date, several in fact. We'll know each other quite well by the time this is over."_

_Slade turned on his heel and stepped over the unconscious bodies of the team before leaving the lair._

He had kept his promise, at least in part. No matter how hard Oliver tried, no matter how closely he watched her, Slade always managed to find Felicity. That scar on her right arm was only the first of the scars that Slade would leave her with. The pattern was always the same. Felicity would disappear, an hour the first time and longer each time after and then she'd walk into the foundry with her head held high and a new mark on her. She'd quietly allow him to clean the wound, her quiet strength keeping any tears at bay. She never allowed him to apologize though. She'd simply repeat his words back to him.  _There was no choice to make_.

His relationship with Sara ended during Felicity's second disappearance. Things had been strained since Thea's kidnapping. Sara had been hurt and confused by Felicity's interjection and the peace that her words had given him. She had been spending all non-Slade time with her family after that. He felt no small amount of guilt at the way he'd treated her when Felicity had been taken the first time. She had tried to console him and he'd been furious and unkind. She hadn't made the same mistake the second time around. She'd simply kissed him on the cheek and told him to let her know when his girl came home.

His fingers drummed absently on his desk as he stared at the empty chair through the glass walls.

John had recovered slowly but he'd been absent for the final fight and Oliver knew that it still wore on his friend. It had come down to Oliver, Sara, Felicity and a surprising ally against 57 super criminals and Slade Wilson. Amanda Waller had managed to help as well, although her methods hadn't improved since Dig's first encounter with the suicide squad.

_Oliver stood in the center of the abandoned warehouse. His eyes searched frantically for an opening in the ring of mirakuru-laced soldiers but found none. Felicity was shouting frantically in his ear and his heart thumped unevenly in his chest._

" _Oliver, please. You have to get out of there. Waller has sent three drones your way. I can't reroute them. Please. You have to get out. Sara won't be there on time. She's still fighting her way to the warehouse._ Please,  _Oliver. Please!" She begged._

_The circle began closing in on him and he knew that it was the end. He had always known that his journey as the Arrow would lead to his death eventually._

" _Felicity, you need to leave town." Oliver breathed. "Slade isn't here. He'll come for you and-"_

" _Oliver! I don't care about Slade right now. Please, get out of there. Please." Her voice broke. "Come_  home,  _Oliver."_

 _He choked on the breath he'd been holding. "I'm sorry, Felicity. I don't think I'm coming back to_ you  _this time."_

 _The declaration that_ she  _was his home hung between the two of them. He could hear the sounds of the drone coming closer. He closed his eyes to wait for the fatal blow or the fiery storm, whichever came first._

" _Felicity, I-"_

" _Not so fast, superhero."_

_Oliver's eyes popped open to see Barry Allen standing in front of him. The kid winked at him and then Oliver was seven city blocks from the warehouse. He stared at Barry in shock before his head whipped towards the sound of three distinct explosions. The fireball stretched to the heavens._

" _Barry, get me to Felicity."_

Felicity hadn't been in the basement. He would find out later that Slade had been there with her all along. He'd been grinning at her as she begged Oliver to come home, as she told him she wasn't worried about Slade. She'd been desperately trying to save him even as she accepted her own fate. She had only just managed to get a text to Barry with Oliver's location before she'd been taken.

The search for her had taken three weeks. The team had reunited with the single purpose of bringing her home. Roy had returned when he'd learned she was in danger, Sara had showed up with the newly released Diggle and Barry had vowed to stay until she was home.

" _Her body is 17 % scar tissue, Mr. Queen."_

When they had finally found her, the rage had nearly consumed him.

_He kicked the door open and ran into the room. He could hear the others engaging Blood and Isobel in the hallway. His eyes searched the dark room until landing on the woman sitting with her knees pulled to her chest against the wall._

" _Felicity?" His words were hoarse. Her dress was cut to ribbons and the original color was impossible to guess at given the blood covering every square inch of her. Her face was bruised and her blond hair tangled._

_He slid forward on his knees and reached for her instinctively. Her lips quirked in a smile of recognition. "Hey, Oliver."_

_His hands moved over her body, assessing for injuries and he was glad to find that nothing seemed broken, including her spirit. His hand cupped her cheek and she leaned into his touch._

" _I knew you'd come for me."_

" _As did I, Miss Smoak. Ready for her death, Kid?" Slade taunted from the doorway._

_Oliver surged to his feet and attacked. The fight was fueled by rage and hatred. Felicity watched them quietly from her corner but he could feel the concern radiating off of her in waves._

_Roy burst into the room and sidestepped the fight as he saw Felicity. He ran over to her and Oliver could hear the two of them whispering before his prodigy was at his side, tipping the fight in their favour._

" _Need help to win, Kid?" Slade taunted after Roy had landed a vicious blow to his head._

" _That's the thing about having a team, Slade." Felicity replied for him, standing for the first time and stepping forwards. "Something you'll never understand. Roy is what you could have been. He's a hero, just like Oliver. And we're going to beat you. It's why you were never able to break me." Her chin lifted. "I had something, I had people to believe in. You have lackeys. We have family."_

_Slade roared his fury and surged towards her but Roy stepped in. The battle was fiercer this time around but Slade's rage was distracting him. After several moments Roy pulled the sword from Slade's back and tossed it to Oliver. Slade whirled around as Oliver shoved the sword through his heart. Slade's knees buckled and he landed in front of him. The two of them stared at each other and for the tiniest moment Oliver would swear he saw his friend once more. Roy's hands landed on either side of the man's head and snapped his neck forcefully._

Oliver followed the familiar path through the white hallways and flashed his CEO smile at all of the people he passed. He paused outside the door for a few moments before walking into the room. Her eyes danced as they landed on him and he exhaled.

Every day it was the same thing. He'd trudge his way through the hospital, pause outside her door, hoping and praying that  _his_ Felicity would be the one lying in that bed. Slade had tried to break her, and Oliver was still waiting for that to happen.

"Another successful day at the office?" She teased as he stepped closer to her bed.

The bruises had begun to fade and her wounds had started to heal. The scars would remain.

" _Her body is 17 % scar tissue, Mr. Queen."_

He remembered with clarity how desperately she'd wished for a scar all those months ago. She'd wanted to feel like she fit in with the rest of them. And now she had more scars than even Sara did. She would remember each and every scar the way that he had memorized his own. Her perfect light skin was marred by Slade's cruelty.

His fear of the psychological scars remained and haunted him every night as he slept. And yet here she was. Teasing him with bright blue eyes and that same old smile. She was still  _Felicity_ and she was every bit as beautiful as she had been the first time he'd met her.

He should have known that Slade Wilson's darkness was no match for Felicity's light.

"Things don't run very smoothly without you." He replied finally. "Although, after the QC public massacre from Isobel's involvement with Slade, everyone is just happy to have me back."

Felicity laughed. "Who would have thought that playboy billionaire trumps murderous psycho?" He shook his head and she laughed again. "You really do have the  _worst_ taste in women, Oliver."

Her tone was teasing and held no censure. Yet her words hit him profoundly. He reached for her hand and threaded his fingers through hers.

"I think-" He paused. Her hand squeezed his and he smiled. "I think that I attract the kind of women that I believe I deserve. I search for the darkness that I see within myself."

He took a breath or two before he raised his eyes to meet hers once more. Her blue gaze was thoughtful as she waited for him to continue.

"I guess it's easier to be with someone who I can't really  _hurt_." He finished.

Felicity sighed and pulled her hand from his grip. Her gaze dropped to watch her fingers where they were playing with her blanket. "Easier is rarely better."

His lips quirked to the side. "That's certainly been my experience."

Felicity peeked up at him. "Any chance you plan on reforming?"

Oliver chuckled and ran a hand through his hair.

"Tell me what you're worried about." She demanded softly.

Oliver sighed and sat on the edge of her bed beside her. He reached over and brushed a blond curl off of her cheek before speaking.

"I decided a long time ago that I would never allow myself to be with you." She opened her mouth with angry eyes but he shook his head quickly. If he didn't get it all out now, he never would. "You were this unending light that crept through the darkness, Felicity. You were the first person to elicit a genuine laugh from me after I came back from the island. The first time we met you made me smile, a real one. I was myself with you, even before you knew about the hood. You brought me back from the island, physically and metaphorically." He blew out a breath.

"So what's the problem?" She wondered when he'd been silent for a few moments too long.

"You're everything that's right in the world, in  _my_ world. And I was so afraid that I'd be the one to snuff out your light. But-" He ran his thumb over the hand she had placed on his knee. "But I didn't give you nearly enough credit. Slade should have broken you. You shouldn't have been  _you_ after that first time that he took you. I was expecting a shell of the woman I  _care_ about when I found you. But I was wrong, and so was he. Because you, Felicity Smoak, are stronger than anyone I know." His voice swelled with pride and he smiled down at her.

Felicity let out a long-suffering sigh before her blinding smile lit up the room. "About damn time, Oliver. So what does this mean?"

Oliver shifted closer, cupping her cheek. "It means that I'm done fighting this, fighting you."

Felicity's hand covered his and held it more tightly to her face. "You know there's a chance I'll be in the line of fire again. You can't freak out and push me away. You have to promise."

His jaw clenched as he imagined her hurt again. But she was right. She was always right. "Because of the life I live, the life  _we_ live, I can't afford to stay away from you anymore, Felicity. I can't pace that basement, wishing that I could see you one more time, tell you how I really feel. I can't not be with you. Because you're right. We might die tomorrow. So no more wasting today."

Her eyes sparkled with tears and she sniffled happily. "You can be  _so_ mushy!"

Oliver growled playfully before leaning in to silence her giggles with a kiss.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" She asked against his lips. "We can probably fit quite comfortably on this bed of mine."

He licked her bottom lip playfully before pulling back. "I don't plan on spending my nights with anyone else,  _Felicity_."

"I'm so happy I don't have to worry about covering my verbal gaffes with  _platonic_ excuses anymore." She replied cheekily.

Oliver laughed outright before leaning back in to kiss  _his_ girl. His  _girl_ girl.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this...isn't going to be anyone's favourite chapter by any stretch of the imagination. But it is one of the first ideas I had for this fic. It's angst-heavy with more than enough colourful language and adult themes. So lets just call this one rated 'M'. I hope you enjoy it?

_I know that we are upside down_

It wasn't healthy.

She'd known that from the very beginning. She'd known that her heart would ultimately be the cost of this  _thing_ they'd decided to embark upon together.

 _Together_. They weren't really in this together though, were they? It was his body. And hers. Colliding together to the soundtrack of their mutual pleasure.

But they weren't in this together. Because he never stayed.

And he never would.

_You kill the lights, I'll draw the blinds_

The first time that Oliver stepped inside her home was also the first night that they fucked.

Fucked was such an ugly, tasteless way to describe it. But it was also the most accurate way to describe what had happened.

His hands on her body hadn't held any promises beyond the pleasure that they could bring her. There would be no proclamations of affection or love. Their lips danced together with heat and nothing else. Things between himself and Sara had spiralled out of control after it was  _Felicity_ who he'd listened to, after  _her_ words had driven him to go against Slade alone. In the end it shouldn't have mattered. He didn't face Slade that day and Thea had made her way home all by herself.

But it had mattered to Sara. And although she'd never admit it, it had mattered to Felicity as well.

His life had once again crumbled at his feet and why he found himself in her bed was anyone's guess. But he didn't love her. And he didn't pretend to.

Once they were both done, he left her bed and dressed unhurriedly. There were no kisses goodbye or words of gratitude.

He simply left.

She didn't cry herself to sleep that night. Really, she  _didn't._

They didn't talk about it the next day. Or any of the days after that. Nothing changed. They were still partners and friends. They were still a part of a team.

The fact that nothing changed should have bothered her. And maybe it did. But she'd never admit it.

_I know that we were made to break  
So what? I don't mind_

_Don't dull the sparkle in your eyes_

The second time happened the night that Sara killed Roy.

Oliver had promised that he wouldn't allow his protégé to be hurt by any of them. He'd sworn that he wouldn't allow it to come to that. Felicity had seen Sara's refusal to agree and Oliver had ignored it.

The fight had been brutal and had ended with Roy dying in Thea Queen's arms.

The fight afterwards in the basement had been even worse. Sara had shown no remorse as Oliver had raged and torn his way through the lair. Equipment lay broken everywhere as he advanced on Sara with a scary fire in his eyes. Dig had stood by silently, furious with both of them.

" _I did what needed to be done." Sara announced._

Oliver had bellowed his rage and Felicity had stepped forward and placed her hand around his wrist. Her eyes remained on his face as she spoke for all of them.

" _Get out, Sara. And never come back. You want to be an assassin so badly? Go back to the league." Felicity spoke coldly._

He came through her window that night and was buried to the hilt mere moments later. He stayed the night, technically. Not because he slept or they cuddled. But because he spent several hours devouring her in a desperate attempt to forget.

He slipped out just before the sun had fully risen above the mountains. Felicity watched him leave, staring at the door through which he'd gone until sleep finally took her.

_Doesn't mean we're bound for life_

_Are you gonna stay the night?_

They fell into a pattern.

He spent more nights in her bed than in his own. But he never stayed. Never.

He showed up whenever Thea's grief became too much. He stopped by when Slade made a move against them that they weren't prepared for. He climbed in through her window when the nightmares became too hard to sleep through.

There was nothing soft or kind about the way that they spent their nights. He was there to block out the worst parts of his life. He used her body and after the first few times she began to respond in kind.

Because they may be a team and they be friends. But they weren't in  _this_ together.

_Are you gonna stay the night?_

_I know that we were made to break_

They beat Slade. Just barely.

The final battle left them all covered in more scars than they'd like.

He didn't come that night. And that was when she realised  _for real_ that she was alone in this. Because they'd both almost died that night. They limped out of the burning warehouse covered in blood and with little sense of victory.

They'd almost died and she wanted to celebrate the fact that they hadn't. She wanted to feel him moving against her and inside of her because they were  _alive_.

But he didn't feel the same way. And he never would.

_So what? I don't mind._

_I am a fire_

He didn't touch her for three weeks after Slade died. They were busy cleaning up the last of Slade's mess and resuming their QC duties.

Things had gone back to normal when Slade's final blow arrived in the form of an email that had been post-dated. She had been at home preparing for another night alone when her tablet pinged. She quickly changed into her tank top and shorts before crossing the room to open the email.

The news that awaited her in the taunting email from Slade Wilson caused her vision to blur. Of course. Even from beyond the grave he was still fucking with them.

She had barely remembered to throw shoes on before she was storming out of her home and driving towards the Foundry. It was late and she knew that Diggle would be at home.

Oliver was asleep on the couch when the door slammed shut behind her. She advanced on him as he jumped to his feet in alarm. She shoved at his bare chest and he sat heavily on the couch. Her hands removed her clothing quickly before she straddled him and tugged his sweats off. His mouth popped open in surprise just before she sank onto him. She began to move against him quickly. His mouth moved to hers but she pressed her palm against his face. He grunted in surprise and she ignored him as she rode him furiously. She came hard and he followed immediately.

She pushed against his chest and his hands dropped from her hips. She pulled away and rose to stand on shaky legs. She pulled her clothes on as he stared at her in wonder. She wondered vindictively how much he liked being used. Her thoughts must have shown on her face or perhaps her brain to mouth filter had once again failed because he was frowning up at her.

She straightened her tank top before meeting his eyes. "His name wasn't Anthony Ivo. It was Anthony Ivenson." His eyes widened. "And he was my father."

Her name followed her out of the lair.

_You're gasoline_

He waited three hours before crawling in through her bedroom window that night. She was lying awake and made no move to acknowledge his presence. He stood at the foot of her bed, seemingly unsure. Perhaps he was. He'd never in fact been here for any reason other than to get off and get out. They both knew that she had no intention of letting him touch her.

The silence stretched as they watched each other in the darkness. Finally she sighed. "What do you want?"

And wasn't that the question of the hour? Was he there to apologize for killing a man that he hadn't known was her father? Was he going to ask for forgiveness or try to justify his reasons?

"I don't know." He admitted finally.

His words spurred her into action and she was suddenly on her knees, bed-sheets bunched and tangled in her legs. "Of course you don't! You never do!" She snapped. "And you know what, Oliver? I'm sick of it. How did it feel to be used tonight? How did you feel? How do you think you'll feel tomorrow when I don't acknowledge it?"

His chin dropped to his chest but she refused to feel remorse.

"Does it make you feel cheap? Worthless? Maybe it doesn't bother you the same way." She bit out harshly. "Because unlike me, you weren't used by someone you  _cared_ about. I treated you like a whore but you don't love me so maybe it doesn't matter." Tears stung her eyes as her brain caught up with her mouth.  _That_ was not supposed to be said.

His head snapped up at her accidental declaration and his blue eyes clouded and stormed. His mouth opened and closed twice before her patience snapped.

"Get out." She demanded, pointing to the window he'd climbed in through. He shook his head hesitantly and she growled.

"Felicity, I don't know what you want from me. Jesus, you just found out that I killed your dad and I don't even know how to apologize for that." He paused and ran a hand over his head. "And I never thought about how  _this_ was making you feel. I just-" He trailed off.

Felicity sat back on her feet and her shoulders slumped. "You know you've never actually stayed the night, Oliver? You just get what you came for and leave."

Her words seemed to surprise him as he took a step back. Maybe he'd never realised or maybe he simply hadn't cared.

"I'm sorry." She raised an eyebrow. "For all of it. For everything."

She sighed and shook her head. "You should go."

He stepped forwards and reached towards her before dropping his hand heavily to his side. He nodded slowly before moving towards the window. He was halfway through it when she gave him reason to pause.

"Oliver?" Her voice was small and she  _hated_ it. He paused and waited. "Don't come back here unless you're prepared to stay the night. This is toxic and I won't do it anymore."

She heard his sigh as he rested his head against the cool window. He was still for a moment before he nodded sharply.

And then he was gone.

_Are you gonna stay the night?_

They didn't talk about it again after that. Things were a little more tense than usual but they didn't acknowledge it. If Dig noticed, he didn't comment.

They went back to taking down everyday criminals and running QC. Thea slowly moved through the stages of grief before deciding to head to Gotham for a while.

Things were normal. Mostly. His eyes followed her every movement in a way that they hadn't before. She ignored the way her skin heated under his gaze and concentrated on other things. The ball was in his court. She was through chasing Oliver Queen.

It took him three months to come around. It had been a normal day, nothing exciting at the office or on the streets.

And maybe that was what made all the difference. He had no reason to be standing outside her door other than wanting to be there. He wasn't running or angry or upset about anything. He was fine, she was fine, everyone was fine.

And he was here.

His lips twitched upwards as she raised an eyebrow at the small duffel bag in his left hand.

"I'm here for the sleepover?" He inquired lightly and grinned when she snorted in response.

She rolled her eyes but stepped aside to let him into her home.

He stayed with her that night and many nights afterwards. Because they were a team, even if they weren't just friends anymore.

They were finally in this together.

 _I am a fire, you're gasoline,_  
Come pour yourself all over me  
We'll let this place go down in flames

 


	8. Chapter 8

Felicity Smoak had just settled onto her couch to enjoy her Dim Sum for one. It had been a stressful day to top off the month from hell and she  _needed_ this. She was two mouthfuls in when her phone and tablet started beeping furiously.

She took the tiniest of moments to mentally prepare herself for whatever horrible news was waiting for her.

She had coded her programs with different notifications for the varying levels of emergency. Her electronics were alternately notifying her of 'unusual activity' and 'Queen family danger'.

She took a deep breath and lunged towards the tablet on the coffee table. Her eyes scanned over the information three times before she was on her feet and running towards the door, her Mushu Pork forgotten.

She shoved her Bluetooth into her ear as she locked the door behind her and bolted towards the stairwell. The ringing in her ear was incessant as she ran down the stairs.

"Felicity?"

"Dig, you need to get in your car. Right now. Something's wrong. I'll text you the coordinates." She bit her lip, clearing the second floor. "Bring a gun."

She heard his sharp intake of breath before the call was disconnected. She tapped another contact on her tablet as she broke free of the building and raced towards her car.

"Detective Lance!" She exclaimed the moment he picked up, impatient to wait for his greeting.

"Miss Smoak." She could hear the amusement in his voice as she yanked her car door open and threw herself inside. "I've told you before that I'm no longer a detective and I'm just barely a cop aga-"

"I'm sorry to be rude, Detective. But I don't have time for this." She snapped as she started the car and plugged in the GPS data for herself and Dig. "It's an emergency."

She could hear shuffling and knew that she had his full attention. She pulled her car away from the curb and popped a U-turn.

"I took the liberty of placing tracking devices on each of the Queens after Slade Wilson kidnapped Thea. My systems are set to alert me to any irregularities. The Queens were headed back to the mansion after the rally tonight. They never got there. The three of them are seven miles out of the city, in the wrong direction. In the middle of nowhere. Their limo is sitting in the Glades." She took a deep breath as she felt panic begin to rise in her chest. "I need you to meet me there. And I know that I'm asking a lot after you already went to jail for the Arrow. But I need you to come alone. At least for now. We both know that there are dirty cops within the department and-" She choked back a sob.

She could hear Lance rushing around. "And?"

She blew out a breath. "And I'm afraid of what we're going to find, Detective. If this is what I think it is-" She wiped furiously at her cheeks as traitorous tears fell. "Then there will be a body."

Lance swore and she heard the engine of his car. "Miss Smoak, are you sure you should be there? If it's as dangerous as you think then-"

"I have to go. It's Oliver." She retorted.

She heard him sigh. "Text me the coordinates."

She hung up and tapped her tablet's screen twice. She pressed her foot down on the accelerator and prayed that she wasn't too late.

It took her twelve minutes to get there. Her car skidded to a stop as her headlights lit upon three figures in the distance. A cry tore itself from her chest and then she was throwing herself out of the car. She was thankful for the flats she'd worn as she ran through the trees. Thea's wailing reached her ears before she made it into the clearing. She skidded to a stop a foot from the body of Moira Queen. Thea had thrown herself across her mother's body as she sobbed into the dead woman's neck.

Felicity forced her eyes away from the two of them and her gaze landed on Oliver. He was lying on his side by his mother and for one horrible moment she thought he was dead. She swallowed the scream on her lips and watched a tear fall from Oliver's face as he stared unseeingly at his family.

For the first time in a long time she didn't know what to do. There was nothing she could do to save Moira. And she was faced with two very  _broken_ people. Her instinct was to go to Oliver, to pull him into her arms and hold the pieces together as he fell apart. But as her eyes landed on Thea once more she knew that the girl was feeling completely alone in the world now. She knew that Thea would be Oliver's priority.

She stepped forwards and placed a hand on Thea Queen's back. The younger Queen flinched at the contact and stared up at her with scared, haunted eyes.

"Felicity?" Thea questioned blankly.

"I'm here." Felicity wrapped a hand around Thea's wrist and pulled. The girl fought to stay with her mother but Felicity pulled her up and into her arms. Thea fought against her but Felicity held on tightly.

"No! Let me go!" Thea whimpered against her shoulder. "I need to help her. My mom. I need to-"

Felicity tightened her hold on Thea. There were no words. She couldn't tell her that everything was going to be okay. Felicity knew a thing or two about losing loved ones.

It was never going to be okay.

Felicity heard a door slam in the distance and she jerked her head towards the sound. She had been careless. Slade might still be out here. She pulled Thea behind her as she heard someone running towards them. She looked around for anything to protect them but all she saw were leaves. Thea whimpered against her back, preparing for another disaster.

Dig ran into the clearing and Felicity almost collapsed in relief. She watched as his eyes moved over the scene in front of him before settling on herself in front of Thea.

"John!" Thea cried before pushing past Felicity and throwing herself into his arms.

Felicity watched as her friend pulled her tightly against his chest. She could hear him mumbling words into Thea's ear as he pulled her further from the destruction that was laid bare at their feet.

Her breath caught as she turned towards Oliver and realised that he hadn't moved since she'd gotten there. She clenched her jaw to fight the tears that threatened to fall as she moved towards him and dropped to her knees.

"Oliver?" She whispered thickly.

He made no sign of hearing her. She reached forwards cautiously and brushed a hand along his cheek, catching stray tears. She rubbed her thumb against his cheek.

"Oh, Oliver." She shuffled forwards on her knees.

She reached for his hand as she traced his jawline. "Oliver?"

He blinked but made no response. The tears escaped as she followed his sightline to his mother. There was no mistaking the sword wound in her chest. Felicity hoped that it had been quick.

She dropped to sit on the ground and placed his head in her lap. She heard the sounds of John comforting Thea and the arrival of Detective Lance as she stared down at Oliver.

Felicity ran her fingers through his short hair as she whispered his name repeatedly. Detective Lance was barking orders into his radio and she knew that they wouldn't be alone for much longer. She heard sirens in the distance and sighed.

"Oliver, I need you to come back." She told him firmly. "I wish you had more time. I know you need more time. But Thea needs you." Her tears fell quickly and he blinked as they hit his cheek. "Thea needs you, Oliver. I'm so sorry. Please, Oliver." She bit her lip to prevent a sob as he turned his face in her lap.

His gaze was clear for the tiniest of moments before his grey eyes were full of agony. He jerked into a sitting position as his face twisted in misery. She moved to her knees and placed her hands on both sides of his face. He reached out and pulled her towards him as a jagged sob ripped into the night. His tears flowed against her neck. His muffled sobs shattered her heart and in that moment she would give _anything_ to take away his pain.

She held on for dear life as Oliver Queen, wearer of many masks, broke freely in her arms. She pressed her lips against every inch of his head as he gripped her tightly. Her hands ran over his arms and his back and she whispered how sorry she was until her voice was hoarse.

It wasn't her fault. But you say sorry when something bad happens. She couldn't have done anything to prevent this. Her computer programs can't predict the future. She got here as quickly as she could.

She wasn't sorry because she was in any way at fault. She was sorry because Oliver Queen had known too much pain in his young life already. He'd known torture and heartbreak and death. He'd faced pure evil on more than one occasion. He had lost friends and family.

And now his mother was dead. His mother would was capable of such evil and such love that she was a paradigm in and of herself. But she had loved him fiercely. She had loved her children fiercely. There had been no love lost between herself and Moira Queen. But Felicity would bet that her final act had been for her children.

And how that would weigh on the man in Felicity's arms.

The shaking of Oliver's shoulders had ceased and his cries had lost their volume. Felicity looked away from him and saw that paramedics and police officers were making their way through the trees towards them. She closed her eyes and tightened her hold against Oliver, for herself, and for him.

"Oliver?" She breathed out against his temple as she opened her eyes. "We need to move." He shook his head against her neck and she almost smiled despite the way it broke her heart. "John is with Thea. But Lance has called in, well, everyone." She ran a hand over his head as she felt him release short puffs of air against her skin. "It's too much to ask. And if I could manage it, I'd let you stay here, like this forever. For as long as you needed to." She kissed the crown of his head. "But I need you to stand up and walk over to Thea. Because she needs her big brother and she's not going to be able to do this without you."

His arms tightened around her back as he fought for control. She moved her hand to his cheek and pulled until his face moved from the crook of her neck. He raised bloodshot heartbroken eyes slowly. Her thumb brushed against his skin as he finally met her gaze. "I will be there every step of the way. I promise. You don't have to be Oliver Queen, CEO or the Arrow tonight, Oliver. Tonight, you're a brother and a friend and a-" She clenched her teeth. "And a son. Tonight you grieve. And no one can ask you for more than that."

His eyes snapped closed and he rested his forehead against hers. They breathed in sync for several moments before his arms loosened their hold and dropped back to his side. The tears continued to fall as he sat there.

"Okay." He croaked. He opened his eyes and stared into her eyes with resolve. His raised his hands to rest against her cheeks and leaned closer to place his lips against her forehead. "Thank you." He breathed against her skin.

He pulled back and they moved slowly to their feet. He reached for her hand and they tangled their fingers together. He paused for only a moment before they moved towards Thea and John. Felicity's eyes wandered over the crime scene and noted that several police were on site. Paramedics were waiting nearby as Detective Lance watched Oliver and Thea.

"Thea." Oliver called.

Thea turned in John's arms and rushed towards them. Felicity pulled her hand from Oliver's as he embraced his sister and placed it on his arm instead. She knew without asking that he needed her and she had every intention of being there.

Dig nodded towards her before he stepped past them and walked over to Detective Lance.

"Ollie, I don't, I just-" Thea mumbled tearfully against her brother's chest.

Oliver ran his fingers through his sister's hair and shushed her quietly. His gaze met Felicity's and held as she watched him shoulder yet another burden.

John returned with a paramedic and Oliver and Thea separated. Felicity placed her hand back in Oliver's and she watched the two of them zone out as the medics checked them over. The word concussion was thrown around as their head wounds were patched up.

Detective Lance moved towards them and Felicity fought the urge to hug the man. She smiled when she saw the look of tender compassion on his face. He was a good man.

He cleared his throat and placed a hand on Oliver's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Oliver nodded numbly. Felicity reached out and squeezed Lance's arm. "Thank you, Detective."

"Protocol dictates I have to get your statements." He told them and Oliver flinched. "But protocol can kiss my ass."

Felicity surprised them both by throwing herself into his arms. "Thank you." She mumbled against his neck. "Thank you for coming and thank you for breaking rules to help me. And thank you for being a good man. I know you two don't always see eye to eye but thank you for being kind and thank you.  _Thank you._ " She pulled back and wiped her eyes.

He smiled at her as she stepped back to Oliver's side and tangled their fingers once more. "No problem, Kiddo. Just give me a name. Slade Wilson?" Felicity nodded. "I'll need statements tomorrow. But for now, I'll take care of it."

"Thank you, Detective Lance." Oliver replied with feeling.

Lance gave them a sad half-smile before turning away and heading back to speak to his superiors. Oliver and Thea were staring at their mother's body as the techs moved around her and took evidence. She wanted to leave, to take them as far away from here as possible. But they needed to be here. She understood that.

So she settled against Oliver's side as blankets were wrapped around their shoulders and they watched. Photos were taken and samples found. No one approached them. Their small group was silent.

Hours later a black bag was produced from the back of an ambulance. Felicity squeezed Oliver's hand and she watched as his jaw clenched.

Thea's eyes narrowed as the men approached her mother and she jumped to her feet. Oliver moved to his own and Felicity scrambled to place herself between Thea and her mother's body. Felicity could hear the zipper being opened behind her and then Thea was screaming.

"No! No! You can't take her! No!" Thea screamed and launched herself forwards.

Felicity caught her and flinched as Thea's nails bit into her arms. Oliver stared past the two of them at the body bag and his mother's body.

"No! Don't take her! Please! That's my mom! Please!" She wailed.

"I'm so sorry, Thea." Felicity told the girl. "It's too late. I'm so sorry."

Thea whimpered as she looked into Felicity's eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Thea." She said again.

Thea stopped fighting and fell against her.

"Oliver!" Felicity called. His eyes snapped to hers and then he was wrapping his arms around both of them. He turned his body so that he was shielding them both from the sight of Moira Queen being placed into a body bag and then carried out of sight. Their tears fell and mingled and she couldn't tell which tears belonged to whom.

She only knew that nothing would ever be the same.

Felicity dropped her keys into the bowl by her front door and kicked off her shoes. She turned and watched as her guests trudged through the door behind her. Thea stared down at her strappy heels like she couldn't quite figure them out. Felicity moved forwards quickly and bent down to help her out of them.

Thea mumbled a thank you before walking further into Felicity's home. Felicity's eyes moved over Oliver who was staring down at her like he needed direction. She reached behind him and locked the door. Her hand dropped to wrap around his and she pulled him further into the apartment.

"Thea, I have a guest bedroom that you can sleep in. It's right down the hall from mine if you need anything." She reached out and grabbed the younger Queen's hand as well. "I'll show you." She pulled them both down the hall, knowing that Oliver needed to know where his sister would be.

Thea reached out and opened the door and they stepped into the small room. "It's not much but the bed is comfortable. It also has an en-suite bathroom." She pulled away from the two of them. "I'll get you fresh towels. And something to sleep in."

She left them in the other room and made her way through her home. There hadn't been a discussion about where they would be staying but she knew that neither of them would want to go to the mansion and Oliver wasn't ready to show Thea the lair. So she'd asked Dig to drop them off here. She knew that he would be on damage control for the next several hours.

She was happy that she'd managed to get some cleaning done over the weekend. Unemployment sucked but she had been so busy for the last few months that her home hadn't been fit for company.

Felicity grabbed her comfiest pajamas and some fluffy towels and hurried back to the guest room. Oliver and Thea were sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the door. She placed the items on the bed and stepped back.

"Thank you." Thea mumbled once more.

Oliver stood and pulled his sister to her feet. He pressed his lips against her forehead. "I'll be here if you need anything, Speedy."

Thea's breath caught but she simply nodded and pulled away. Felicity followed Oliver to the door.

"Felicity?"

Both Oliver and Felicity paused and turned back to face Thea.

"Can you stay? For a minute?" She mumbled, looking at her feet.

"Of course!" Felicity assured her. She squeezed Oliver's arm and he nodded. She watched as he walked away from them and into her bedroom. She heard the shower start up in her bathroom and turned to face Thea.

Oliver's sister was watching her carefully as she stripped out of her ruined clothes and tossed them in the garbage can by the door. She quickly pulled on the pjs and sat on the bed. Felicity stepped closer before sitting across from her.

The two of them sat in silence for a few moments as Thea picked at the blanket. "I don't understand why this happened." The girl said finally.

Felicity sighed. "Slade Wilson is twisted and evil. He wanted to punish Oliver for something that was never his fault."

Thea gripped the blanket tightly. "He said that Oliver killed someone named Shado."

"Oliver was faced with an impossible choice when he was on the island. He was told to choose between two women. One would be safe and the other would die. The man counted down and he pointed the gun at one woman as he reached the end of the countdown. And Oliver jumped in front of the gun. Oliver tried to sacrifice himself. The man killed the other woman instead. Slade loved Shado and he blames your brother." Felicity told her carefully. She knew that Slade must have told some of the story and she knew it was important for Thea to understand the truth.

"He tried to sacrifice himself again." Thea sniffled.

Felicity blew out a breath. "He does that."

"Thank you for telling me." Thea paused. "And for finding us. I don't know how, and I don't really care right now."

Felicity smiled and moved from the bed. Thea followed after her and hesitantly wrapped her arms around her. Felicity hugged her back tightly.

"Felicity?" Thea mumbled against her neck. "Take care of him tonight?"

Felicity blinked and stepped back. She met Thea's eye and nodded. "Always."

She sat on her bed and chewed on her thumbnail. He had been in the shower for a long time. She thought back on her promise to his sister and moved from the bed towards the bathroom door. She debated with herself for another moment before she twisted the doorknob and pushed the door open.

Her knees shook as she took in the sight before her. He was kneeling fully clothed under the hot spray with his head in his hands. His shoulders shook fiercely as he fought to keep his sobs muffled.

"Oh, Oliver!" She gasped, rushing forwards and stepping into the shower.

She dropped to her knees in front of him and the spray soaked her instantly. She wiped her blond hair off of her face and placed a hand on his cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Oliver."

He sat heavily in front of her and pulled her into his lap. His face found the crook of her neck and he wrapped himself around her. Hot tears dripped from her cheeks and she cradled his head against her chest. His body shook with silent sobs and she wondered if he'd ever be able to stop.

He'd held everything in for so many years that she wondered if he was only crying for his mother at this point. Or was he crying for his father, for Yao Fei, for Shado, for Tommy? She wondered if he was suddenly barraged with every heartbreak that he hadn't allowed himself to feel.

For the first time in her life, words completely failed her. She didn't know what to say to him. She couldn't lie or fill the space with hollow platitudes. She couldn't promise that Slade would pay, because she wasn't sure that he would. She hoped he would. She'd do everything in her power to take him down, but there were no guarantees.

She hummed against his temple as she fought to find something, anything to say.

"The first day I met you I knew you were special. I knew that there was more to you and I was desperate to figure it out. You smiled even as I ingested my foot. I looked forwards to our meetings, not just because you're hot, but because you were interesting and  _kind._ You were a billionaire and you didn't need to be kind. You could have walked in and demanded that I help you. But you always asked for my help. You always treated me like I was special." She ran her fingers over his shoulders. "I knew even then that you were a good man. I knew that you mattered. Even if I had no idea how much you would mean to me."

His body relaxed as she spoke to him even as his arms held her more tightly.

"I liked that you told the very worst lies about what you needed help with. But I never felt like you were lying to me. I knew you were lying, and you knew you were lying. But I never felt like you really wanted to be lying to me. I trusted that you had a good reason for not telling me the truth. I trusted you despite bullet-ridden laptops and syringes of unknown substances and really bad excuses." His thumb moved slowly, unconsciously, over the patch of skin between her top and her shorts. "I liked that sometimes I managed to elicit a real laugh or a real smile from you. I liked that even before I really  _knew_ you I could tell when you were wearing a mask and when you were being real. And I loved that you were almost always real with me.

"You scared the hell out of me when you were bleeding out in the back of my car. Not because the car was new or because the Vigilante was supposedly a criminal, but because I was scared for you. Because even then, even way back then I cared about you. I didn't want you to die. So I trusted you when you asked me to take you to the lair instead of a hospital. I watched you flatline, you know. And I prayed to any God that would listen that you'd survive. I've never been much for prayer but you bring it out of me, you know? I pray whenever you leave the lair and I'm not sure you'll come back." She bit her lip. "Where was I? Oh yes, you brought me into the fold. You were dying and you decided to trust me. I can't express how much that meant to me, Oliver. Even then I realised how huge that was."

The water's temperature began to drop and Felicity fought a shiver. She pulled back and turned off the water. She kissed Oliver's forehead before moving out of his arms and standing up. She reached down and helped him to his feet. They stood there in the shower for a few moments as their clothes dripped steadily.

"I love that you say my name differently than anyone else. You can express a whole conversation just by saying my name a certain way. And I like that. I love that." She shivered. "Hold on a sec." She stepped out of the shower and grabbed two large towels from under the sink. She stepped back into the shower and handed him one. She hung hers on the shower rod and pulled at the t-shirt that was stuck to her skin. He watched as she yanked the garment over her head and dropped it to her feet. She wrapped the towel around her body and then dropped her shorts.

"I have your emergency bag in my room. I grabbed it from the car." She told him when he continued to stare at her. You have a change of clothes in there."

He clutched the towel in his hands but made no move. She stepped closer to him and took the towel from him. She hung it on the rail beside the shower. She grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it upwards. The material was plastered against his skin and she yanked until it gave way.

This certainly was not the way she'd imagined taking Oliver Queen's clothes off. And she'd imagined it, in great detail.

A surprised bark of laughter escaped his lips and Felicity's eyes darted up to meet his.

"Apparently my brain to mouth filter is as faulty as ever." She mumbled as he helped her pull his shirt over his head.

"Good to know something's don't change." He muttered as the amusement left his eyes.

Felicity moved closer to him and placed her hands on his bare chest. "I'm not going anywhere, Oliver."

He leaned his forehead against hers. "Promise me."

They both knew she couldn't do that. But Sara had just left for God knows where and his mother had been murdered in front of him.

"I promise." She breathed out and his hands landed on her hips.

She shivered as the air in the bathroom began to cool and he moved back a step. "Now drop your pants." She rolled her eyes, because of  _course_ she had said that like that.

His lips twitched as he stepped back and did as he was told. She held the towel out to him and blatantly looked in the opposite direction. His hand wrapped itself around hers after a moment and they stepped out of the tub and left the bathroom.

"I'm going to check on Thea." He said after a few moments of silence.

She nodded and watched as he left the room.

He was going to be okay. So would Thea. She would do everything in her power to make sure that both of them made it through this.

She had changed into a tank top and shorts, and was towel-drying her hair when he walked back into the room.

"She's asleep." He answered her unspoken question.

"Good."

He grabbed his bag and began digging through it as she moved into the bathroom to brush her teeth and hang up the towel. She ignored the part of her brain that was shouting about how domestic this felt. Now was  _so_ not the time _._  Felicity stepped back into her room and he was sitting on the edge of her bed in just a pair of boxer briefs.

She allowed herself a moment to take in the beauty of the man before her. Her eyes moved over every inch of smooth and scarred skin before she settled on his face. He was staring up at her and his eyes were so tired. Her feet carried her forwards and she cupped his cheek.

"I love the way you love people. I may not always agree with your choices or your methods but I've never doubted your loyalty to those around you. You drive me crazy sometimes but you care, Oliver. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know and it has survived so much." She pulled him to his feet. "You will survive this. I can't promise it won't hurt. I can't promise you much of anything, because we don't lie to each other." She pulled back the bed covers and pushed him towards the bed. He obeyed and laid down without a fight. "But you're going to survive and so is Thea. You might not believe that, but I'll believe it for the both of us right now."

She pulled the blanket up to cover his waist and stepped back. She walked around the bed and flicked off the lamp on her side table. She climbed under the covers beside him and he immediately pulled her towards him. She laid her head on his chest as his arms circled around her.

"You're a good man and you have people who love you. Roy is going to be alright. He's not himself right now, but he's still in there. He didn't hurt me earlier. He gripped the edge of a table to keep from hurting me. He'll be okay. Thea is alive and she's going to continue to be alive. We're going to protect her and we're going to get her through this. Dig and Lyla can watch each other's backs when he's not with us. I'll call Detective Lance in the morning and tell him he needs to stay with Laurel. We're going to beat Slade. We'll get a cure and then we'll beat him." She assured him in the darkness.

"He won't stop." Oliver replied finally. "He'll hurt you. He said one more person would die and he didn't have to say it but we both knew he meant you."

Felicity didn't question why it would be her instead of Laurel or Sara. It didn't really matter.

"Then I'll be careful. We will all be careful. I'm not going anywhere, Oliver." She promised vehemently.

"How can you be so sure?" He asked quietly.

Felicity turned and placed a kiss above his heart. "Because I have something, someone to believe in. I have someone to live for, Oliver."

She expected things to feel different with those words out there. She may not have used the L-word but it was more than implied. But as the implications settled upon them, she breathed easily. And so did he.

His arms tightened around her and his lips pressed against her hair.

He drifted off to sleep before she did. She prayed that he and Thea would sleep well. Sleep wouldn't change the fact that their mother was dead or that they were being targeted by a madman hell-bent on revenge. But it wouldn't hurt either.

"Felicity." Oliver sighed in his sleep.

A smile crossed her lips and her eyes drifted shut.


	9. Chapter 9

_Laurel had kissed him._

_Laurel had kissed him. And then his whole world had crumbled._

He had been fully willing to sacrifice himself to Slade. He had been willing to do just about anything to end this war before anyone else suffered. He had literally been waiting to die as he stood on the pier that started it all.

He should have known that Diggle and  _Felicity_ would never allow that to happen. He should not have been surprised when they found his second lair, the place he'd kept hidden from them. He should not have been surprised that they'd been willing to fight him for his soul.

And he shouldn't have been surprised that Felicity's words would cause him to stumble in his singular purpose. For the tiniest of moments he had felt hope flutter in the black hole that had once been his heart. As he had looked into her earnest blue eyes, he had believed her.

Her words and her close proximity caused him to feel  _warm_ for the first time since Slade had killed his mother. He had allowed himself to revel in it, to strengthen himself and bask in her light.

But the very thing that had caused him to pause was the reason that he walked away from them.  _Felicity_ who filled him with strength and love and sunlight, who would take anything Slade could dish out if only to save Oliver anymore pain. Felicity was his reason for walking to his death.

Without Felicity Smoak, there was no sunshine, no happiness and no respite. Without the blonde genius, there was no hope, no joy and no  _reason._

He fought a war within himself as her fingers slipped from his. He wanted to pull her into his arms and drown himself in her embrace. He wanted her to take all of the pain and banish his darkness.

As he slowly limped away from his team, and from his  _heart_ , he turned his back on the comfort that only she could give him. He chose to secure her future instead.

No one would die in his place.

The darts had of course been her idea, even if Dig had been the one to aim them. Waking up in the lair had been a surprise.

Laurel's presence had filled him with displeasure. He had known that she knew his secret for weeks and he simply hadn't cared enough to mention it to her. Laurel Lance was the ideal that he leant upon during his time on Lian Yu. It had taken him mere weeks after his return to find someone else, someone  _real_ to hope in. Felicity had become the beacon that he looked to whenever the darkness closed in around him.

Her dismissal of his team had irked him. Dig and Felicity had been too polite to say anything. It was clear that both of them were hoping she'd be able to get through to him, to save him.

The ridiculousness of the situation caused a bemused chuckle to catch itself in his throat. If  _Felicity's_ pleas had done little to deter him, then why the hell would they think that Laurel could change his mind? Dig, his brother, his best friend. Felicity, his conscience, his friend, his  _world_.

Restlessness took hold as he listened to Laurel rant on and on about how she knew him better than she knew herself. She promised that she knew him in her bones.

But that wasn't true. Laurel had never  _known_ him. If she had known him, she'd have known he wouldn't commit to her enough to move in together. She would have known that he was a cheating bastard after the first and second time she caught him with someone else. She wouldn't have pressured him to be the man his father wanted him to be.

She wouldn't have asked him to be different when he came back but lash out when he wasn't familiar. She would have known immediately that he was the Arrow. She wouldn't have chosen him over Tommy for even a single night, not if she'd known him.

Laurel didn't know the first thing about him, she never had and she never would.

He had been prepared to walk away from her. He was already inventorying the lair and where everything he would need was.

The words 'Slade Wilson' and 'Sebastian Blood' were the only thing that kept him there.

He didn't miss the soft look of dejection that crossed Felicity's face ever so quickly when she realised that Laurel had done what she could not; she had gotten through to him and given him a reason to fight. Despite his injuries and his heartache, the urge to comfort her took over. He tangled his fingers through hers as the four of them talked over the plan. He ignored Laurel's narrowed eyes and Dig's smirk of amusement. His lips twitched as Felicity relaxed and smiled at the floor. She squeezed his hand in acknowledgment.

"But not them?" Laurel shouted at their backs.

The team turned in sync and stared at her. She wasn't wrong. He knew that both Dig and Felicity were in danger. He knew that once they split up he may never see them again.

But he also knew that Laurel had gotten one thing right. This was bigger than him and Slade. Handing himself over to Slade would not stop an army of super soldiers from attacking the city. Felicity and Dig would be in danger now, regardless of their relationship to him.

He would be lying if he said that he didn't want to put both of them on a plane or hide them in the most secure, most secret safe house in the world. But he owed both of them more than that. Felicity insisted that he was a hero. But so was she, and so was Dig. There was no Arrow without the two of them. Arrow was not one man, but two men and the incredible woman behind them. Their team had expanded since the beginning but in the end it came down to the three of them. With or without Roy and Sara, the three of them were Team Arrow.

And he wouldn't take away their right to fight for the city. He would grit his teeth and pray that they made it through this.

He didn't value their lives less than Laurel's. He simply trusted them more and loved them both too much to dictate their involvement anymore.

"This started with the three of us. It's time we got back to that." His words were simple, but carefully chosen.

He didn't know if there would be a Team Arrow after tonight. But he'd made a lot of bad decisions lately and he'd hurt the two people behind him with each and every one of those decisions.

His words were a promise. If they made it through this battle, if they won the war, it would be the three of them against the world. No complicated ex-girlfriends, no Mirakuru-ragings teenagers brought into the fold without their knowledge. They were a team.

He appreciated Laurel's support and her information, but the lack of secrets between the two of them now changed nothing. She would not be hanging out in the lair or training with himself and Diggle. She wouldn't be hovering over Felicity's shoulder or kicking ass in the field.

He turned his back and his team followed him out of the lair.

In hindsight he should have known that Laurel absolutely wouldn't listen to his words. He should have known that she would follow them.

He could even admit that her timing had been pretty good as he wasn't exactly in a position to complain about being saved.

But he was already impaired and limited by his leg injury and had it really been necessary for her to wear  _heels_ to take down an evil army of super soldiers?

And so they found themselves trapped. Trapped underground as he waited for Dig and Felicity to blow up the block. His only option had been to cut the two of them off from some of the devastation by creating a blast of his own.

He could hear Felicity's concern as he shoved at the large chunks of debris covering his injured leg. The sounds of Dig fighting Isabel were unwelcome.

"Somebody, help!" Laurel screamed and he hushed her with a muttered curse.

There were two dozen super-strengthened criminals within shouting distance. They did not need any  _help_ finding them.

"Oliver?" Felicity's voice pitched in fear and he realised he hadn't spoken since the explosion.

"We're okay. Just digging ourselves out."

He heard a low exhale on her side of the comms. "The cure is ready, Oliver. It's ready!"

He blinked.

"Oliver?"

A laugh bubbled within his chest and escaped on a cough. She had told him not to give up. She'd promised him that there was another way. One of these damn days he'd stop doubting her.

"They're multiplying it right now. We will have enough of it by the end of the night." Her words escaped in an excited rush and he could almost feel the curve of her lips as they tipped into a wide smile.

"Keep me updated."

He spent the next several minutes extricating himself and then Laurel from the rubble. He helped her scramble up the side of the debris and followed her up onto the street. His eyes widened in horror as he watched Slade's army march away from them and towards the Glades.

"Dear God." Laurel whispered.

Oliver's teeth clenched against the pain as he ran with Laurel stumbling along behind him. Felicity was mumbling directions in his ear, leading him to where Dig was fighting Isabel.

"Laurel, stay here!" He growled over his shoulder.

She ignored him and his jaw cracked under the strain.

They raced around the corner and Oliver threw himself into the fight. Both he and Dig were injured but even with her added strength, Isabel was no match for the two of them. After several tense moments she threw Dig to the ground and turned towards Oliver once more. They traded blows as John recovered quickly.

"You're a real bitch, you know that?" Dig quipped from the ground and Isabel spun to face him, hissing. "Survive this time."

Her eyes widened and she shrieked her fury as Dig raised his gun. He emptied the clip into her forehead and her body dropped. Oliver stepped forwards and yanked her onto her back. He shook his head for a moment before twisting her neck until it snapped, just in case.

"Do you have to be so,  _thorough?_ " Laurel asked in disgust.

Oliver helped Dig to his feet. "If I had time I'd burn the body and scatter the damn ashes, Laurel."

Oliver watched as Dig drove off in the boosted car. They needed to make sure that Lance was safe and able to help. Phone calls from Laurel had gone unanswered and Oliver knew that Slade had likely covered his bases.

He sat on the hood of a wrecked car as he waited for the cortisol to kick in. His knee was wrecked and he knew that he needed a minute to rest it.

Laurel was mumbling but he didn't have the energy to listen. He preferred the mumbling of the blonde who spent most evenings in his ear. Her mumbling tended to be more funny, cute and unintentionally sexual. Laurel's shoulders were hunched and her eyes were narrowed, neither improved his interest in paying attention.

"I'm sorry that I hunted you." She blurted suddenly, spinning to face him.

Oliver sighed and ran a hand over his hair. "Don't worry about it."

It wasn't that simple, he knew that. She had been so desperate to blame someone for Tommy's death that she had fixated on him. And yes, it hadn't been fair that she'd targeted the man who'd spent more time than necessary saving her life.

" _It's ridiculous!" Felicity snapped, her eyebrows furrowing as she paced around the foundry. "You save her life all the God-damned time and now she's helping them hunt you down? You were like her freaking errand boy! Jesus, she's like the worst at saying thank you, isn't she?" She trailed off and he would swear he heard the words 'stupid' and 'gorgeous Laurel'._

His lips twitched at the memory.

"No, it's not fair. I just. I was always drawn to you and now I know why." Her eyes had lightened and discomfort flushed through him.

"Laurel, I-"

"No! Let me finish. I should have known. It was all right there." She paused and bit her lip. "Sara's gone, isn't she?"

His gaze dropped and he nodded. His relationship with her sister had been imperfect and strained from the beginning. But that didn't make her decision to leave any easier. She hadn't contacted him in any way since Moira's death and there was no way that she was unaware of it.

"I don't want to talk about Sara, Laurel." His gaze rose to meet hers just as she stepped to stand between his legs. His eyebrows shot up when he noticed her proximity but before he could speak, her lips were on his.

He had wondered several times what it would be like for Laurel to accept him, to choose him knowing who he really was. But even now, as she kissed him, he knew that wasn't really what this was.

Because Laurel  _didn't_ know him. She knew that he wore a mask and was pretty skilled at archery. She knew some of his bigger secrets. But she didn't know  _him_.

And as her lips caressed his closed mouth, he realised that he didn't want this, he didn't want  _her_. He placed his hands firmly on her shoulders and pushed her back two steps.

Her face twisted in surprise and then hurt. "But, Ollie, I-"

"I'm sorry, Laurel." He shook his head and looked away.

He didn't have time to do this right now. And he wasn't entirely sure how to have this conversation anyways. He couldn't say that he loved her sister. He did, but not in a way that would prohibit him from rekindling things with Laurel. He couldn't say that he hadn't wished for this to happen again someday.

And he certainly couldn't tell her that at the end of the day, there was only one person he wanted to be with. Not when the other person was currently on the other side of the comm unit. And who had probably heard every moment of that exchange.

"Felicity?" He called, voice unsteady.

Laurel's eyes snapped to meet his own with sharp focus and he realised that perhaps they didn't need to have a conversation after all. With just one word he'd communicated everything that needed to be said.

"Felicity?" He repeated after several long moments of silence.

His brows furrowed in concern. "Dig?"

"Yeah, man. I'm at the station. Lance is alright."

Oliver felt tendrils of fear begin to curl within his bloodstream. The comms were working. She wouldn't remain silent just because Laurel had kissed him. She wouldn't do that. She had only ever responded maturely and with class whenever he'd thrown other women in her face.

Something was wrong. He jumped to his feet when his cell phone rang. His thumb swiped at the screen without looking as he tested his weight on his knee.

"Mr. Diggle?" A young woman questioned nervously.

Oliver frowned and glanced at the screen. The call was from S.T.A.R Labs.

"Yes, this is John Diggle." He ignored Dig's question in his other ear.

"The serum is ready for pickup. We've been trying to get a hold of Felicity for a while. She gave me this number, just in case."

Oliver's jaw went slack as he took in the woman's words. "I'll be by right away to pick it up, Thanks."

"Dig! Something's wrong. Get to S.T.A.R labs and pick up that serum. I have to find her."

Oliver pushed past Laurel, ignoring her questions and sprinted on protesting knee through the night.

He crashed against the side of the van with an almighty bang, his knee unable to fully slow his momentum. He closed his eyes and prayed. The lack of a reaction from inside the van told him everything he needed to know. He exhaled slowly to fight his rising panic before opening his eyes and moving to the side door. He reached out and pulled the door open and was greeted by the sight of small blood spatters and a single piece of paper. His eyes blurred as he reached forward and picked up the letter, written on the stationary from his very own desk; stationary that  _she_ had bought for him.

" _Oliver! You're the CEO now! You need stationary! You can't write official notes on a dollar store notepad!" She chided with a grin, handing him a box of personalise stationary._

_He thought that his name is Arrow green ink was a particularly nice touch._

His hands shook as he read the letter.

**I told you one more person would die. Did you think I was kidding? Did you really think that I meant you, Kid? You should have prepared for this. Ms. Rochev was hardly subtle in her disdain for your relationship, after all. Did you really think she wouldn't tell me?**

**Come and get her, Kid. If you can find her.**

Oliver fought against the bile that was quickly rising up his throat. She needed him to find her, to fight for her. She needed him.

"Oliver?" Laurel's voice startled him and he spun on his heel to face her.

Laurel had kissed him.

Laurel had kissed him and Slade had taken Felicity.

Laurel had kissed him and his whole world had crumbled.

The pain of this knowledge tore through him and he turned from her and let the sickness take him.

Oliver sat in the doorway of the van and tried to focus. His vision had ceased to tunnel as his stomach had finally stopped heaving. Laurel wasn't looking at him as she spoke hurriedly into his phone. Diggle was chattering in his ear, letting him know that he'd picked up the cure and that he was headed back. Oliver closed his eyes and listened to the words as he fought to think where Slade would have taken her. A car swerved into the parking lot and Oliver was on his feet with an arrow notched before Laurel could blink. He watched through narrowed eyes as Lance jumped from his car and ran towards them. He threw his arms around Laurel and hugged her tightly before moving to speak with him.

"There was a super-powered goon in the precinct." He explained as Laurel worried over his facial wounds. "Doesn't matter. Your man told me that Felicity is missing. What's the plan, Queen?"

Oliver raised an eyebrow but lowered the hood even as Laurel gasped. "But-" she shook her head. "You said you didn't know! That you didn't want to know!" She accused.

"How long have you known?" Oliver asked quietly.

Lance shrugged. "I've always suspected. Too many coincidences. But then I realised there were too many people in common. Laurel, Sara and of course, Felicity. But then your bodyguard showed up to check on me and then I knew for sure." He shook his head. "None of this matters. Slade has her, doesn't he?"

Oliver's fists clenched as he fought to exhale the breath trapped in his chest. The knowing look on Lance's face soothed him as he took one breath and then another. "I should have known. She was quiet for too long. She doesn't do that. She always-"

Lance chuckled and held up a hand. "I'm aware, kid." Oliver's eye twitched at the nickname, and the lack of malice behind its delivery. "I've been on the receiving end of her rambling more than once." The smile slipped from his lips. "She's one of a kind and we're gonna find her."

Laurel's head swivelled between the two of them. "There's a lot going on, Dad. She's not the only one who needs saving."

Her words weren't meant to be cruel but they elicited a flinch from both men nonetheless.

"You're right. We have a bunch of steroid freaks running around ripping the City apart. We'll fight. Mr. Diggle is picking up the cure for the mirakuru right now. And Felicity, genius that she is, asked her friends to encase the serum in bullet casings. Meaning that I can hand out the cure to the police force." The pride was clear in his tone and a noise of pain ripped its way through Oliver's teeth.

Lance stepped forward and placed a heavy hand on his shoulder. "We've got the super soldiers, Kid. Go get your girl."

Laurel seemed intent on arguing. But Lance, with Felicity's help, had everything under control. And even so, there was never any choice to make.

_There was never a choice to make._

And like that, he knew where Slade had taken her.

The scene was much the same, even despite the differences. He was no longer CEO. He shouldn't have access to the private elevator or to his former office. But the security team was missing, and he could only hope that they were still alive. He didn't bother to raise his hood in the elevator or find a quieter way to approach the top floor.

He walked slowly through the offices, making no effort to hide himself. He watched as Slade ran his fingers through her hair but she refused to acknowledge the movements. She stared stonily ahead, ignoring the touch and the words that flowed from Slade's mouth. There was blood along her hairline and her nose and lip were cut, but she seemed okay. He stood in the doorway and waited for Slade to lift his head and acknowledge him.

"Recognize this, Kid?" Slade taunted.

Oliver ignored him and his eyes found Felicity's instead. There was nothing but belief and trust in her eyes. She wouldn't beg him to save her life, but she wouldn't ask him not to fight this time either. The fact that she was Slade's final target was not lost on her.

"This right here was the moment when I knew how I would destroy you. This was the moment where I found your weakness." Slade chuckled as he rested the blade of his sword on Felicity's shoulder. "The Hood became the Arrow, taking up a vow of non-fatal violence. He was a hero. And then some pesky little drug dealer threatened Miss Smoak and he got three arrows to the chest, pushing him out the window to fall fifty stories to his death."

Oliver remained silent. He knew the story. He'd lived it. He didn't regret killing the Count. He had lost exactly zero sleep over his death. He didn't feel the need to apologize to Tommy either. Because if Tommy had known Felicity, if he had spent even an hour with her, he'd have killed the Count too.

"You've only killed in self-defence since, I've noticed." Slade continued. "Are you willing to kill for her again, Kid?"

Felicity's eyes were wet as he stared at her. "I'd do anything for her, Slade. You already know that, or you would have picked Laurel or Sara." Felicity smiled tearfully at him and nodded slightly. He raised his gaze to look at his former friend. "But I don't want to kill you."

Slade laughed. "Even after I killed your mother?"

Oliver's jaw snapped shut and his eyes narrowed.

"Even after I kill her?" Slade wondered with another dark chuckle.

"The Slade Wilson I knew had courage and honour. Killing bound women is cowardly and sick. You're not a man, you're a monster." Oliver retorted with vitriol.

Slade's eye gleamed with dark amusement. "You want to go a few rounds before I make you watch her death? Fine with me, Kid."

The fight was different. Slade didn't fight with guns, Oliver doubted that he'd really used one since Shado's death. Instead Oliver found himself dodging knives and darting away from Slade. Slade hunted him throughout the executive floor and Oliver finally found his advantage. He may have been a shitty CEO but he was very good at sneaking away for Arrow business unseen.

He slipped back into his old office silently and moved towards Felicity in a crouch. He quickly unbound her hands and dropped a syringe in her lap. She covered it with her elbow as he covered her wrists once more with the broken bindings. He stared into her beautiful blue eyes and willed her to understand. She nodded once with a small smile and he pressed his lips against her forehead before he moved away from her. He snuck back out of the room and stepped onto a patch of broken glass. He stepped more firmly on it, knowing that Slade would hear the movement and ultimately follow him back to Felicity.

He moved back towards the room as Slade came barrelling down the hallway. Oliver sidestepped him back into the office. And Felicity called out a warning. Oliver allowed the blow to his cheek that threw his body backwards, away from Felicity. Slade cackled with malice before turning from him and heading back towards Felicity. Oliver jumped to his feet and loaded his bow as Slade held his sword to Felicity's throat.

"Do you think you can beat me, Kid? You think you can hit me before I kill her?"

Oliver growled. "The Count took three to the chest before the syringe hit her throat. And I was unarmed." He reminded him.

Slade raised an eyebrow and Oliver slowly lowered his bow. Slade hooked his elbow around her throat so that the hilt was on one side of her neck and the blade was on the other. Oliver nodded once, his eyes never leaving Slade. The needle was over her left shoulder and buried in Slade's chest before he realised that she was no longer bound. Slade choked as the serum rushed from his heart through his veins.

A bellow of rage ripped through the room but Oliver loosed an arrow before Slade could slice open her throat. The first arrow buried itself in Slade's right shoulder and the second inches above the first. The severed nerves in his arm caused Slade to drop the sword in Felicity's lap. She jumped up as he staggered backwards and ran towards Oliver with the sword in her shaking hand.

Blood pooled beneath Slade's eyes as his body shook furiously. "Aren't you going to use that third arrow, Kid?" He mocked through his pained gasps.

Oliver and Felicity watched as Slade dropped to the floor. He writhed around in agony for several moments before stilling almost completely.

"Oliver?" Slade panted, his voice tired and fearful. "Kid?"

A sob escaped from Felicity's lips and she covered her mouth with one hand and his arm with another. She placed gentle pressure on his bicep until he lowered his bow and dropped the arrow back in the quiver.

"Oliver?"

Tears were falling steadily down her cheeks as she pushed him towards the dying man at their feet. He felt his knees give out as he saw his friend staring up at him brokenly. Felicity's hands were on his shoulders as he covered one of Slade's hands with his own.

"Kid, you've got to stop them." Slade coughed and blood covered his lips. "I made an army. They're strong like me. I didn't know. I'm sorry, Kid."

Oliver shook his head and felt tears of his own begin to fall. "It wasn't you."

"Shado followed me, everywhere. Said you had to pay." Slade's fast twisted in pain. "But she wouldn't want that. Your mom, I'm sorry."

Felicity's hands tightened on his shoulders and he leaned into her touch.

"I should have given you the cure back then. I should have saved you." Oliver admitted.

"I'm dying, Kid. And you didn't even hurt me this time. I should have died on that island. With her." Tears pooled in Slade's eye and he gasped in pain. "Will you take me there? Bury me with her?"

Oliver choked on a sob and fought for words.

"Of course." Felicity promised, dropping to her knees beside Oliver. She reached forwards and place a hand over Slade's heart, rivers of tears flowing freely.

"You cry for me, I would have killed you." Slade's words were tender even as he struggled to force them out of his broken body.

"You kept Oliver alive on that island. There are a lot of people who owe you for that, Mr. Wilson. And we'll take care of the city." Felicity leaned against Oliver's side. "We'll take you back to the island."

Slade coughed and the blood sprayed upwards before settling all over his face. Oliver's shoulders shook as he prepared to lose his friend for a third time. He couldn't find a trace of hate for the man lying in front of him. This wasn't the man who'd killed his mother.

"I forgive you, Slade." He whispered finally. He and Slade shared a smile full of brotherhood. And then he was gone.

A sob broke free as he watched Felicity lean forward and brush Slade's eyelids closed. The dead man's lips were still lifted in a hopeful smile. Finally, he knew peace.

Oliver leaned heavily against Felicity as they stumbled into her condo. She dropped her keys in the dish and closed the door before leading him to her bedroom. He watched tiredly as she removed his clothes and tended to his various wounds. She stood patiently as he cleaned off the small cuts on her face from her initial struggle with Slade. He allowed her to carefully push him back onto her bed and sighed as her fluffy blankets covered him. He faded in and out of consciousness as she got ready for bed in the bathroom.

He roused as she climbed into bed next to him and placed an ice-pack on his knee. He hissed at the cold but quieted as she settled her head against his chest. His arms wrapped around her shoulders and she sighed contentedly into his neck.

Nothing had changed. Not really. There had been no conversation. No declarations or Facebook updates, although that kind of move was really more  _her_ than  _him_.

But everything had changed. Sleeping in her bed, curled around each other should be strange. It should be unfamiliar, but it simply wasn't.

In the morning there would be fires to put out. They had defeated Slade, Isabel and Sebastian. They had taken down the super soldiers. And in the process they had learned that a cure also meant death. Because to accept the mirakuru, the body had to die first. And there was no undoing death. So Roy would need their help and their support to make it through this. There would be no miracle cure for him. Thea would need help moving on from all of this. Oliver needed to grieve. Reacquiring QC would need to happen and Oliver would need to allow his knee to heal. And they had a promise to keep, a body to bury on an island far away.

But tonight, Oliver had seen his friend again. He'd helped to save the city. And he'd gotten the girl.

Felicity mumbled his name against his bare skin. A smile crossed his lips and he dropped a kiss to her blond curls.

Against all odds they had won. Just like she had known they would. Slade had promised to take everything from him, and his mother's loss would remain an unhealed bruise on his heart. But Slade had also _given_  him his heart.

 _Felicity_  had been his heart for a long time now. Having her curled across his chest felt  _right_. It felt like coming  _home_.

 


	10. Chapter 10

_Are you gonna stay the night?_

Oliver's teeth ground together as he watched over her. The bandages on her face were a painful reminder of the way their night had gone from peaceful to chaotic. His fingers brushed her soft blond curls from her forehead.

It was his fault. She had been targeted not because she worked with the vigilante, but because Oliver Queen loved her. He was a target in all facets of his life. And so were the people around him.

He should walk away; tear her presence from himself the way he'd tried earlier with Diggle. People around him got hurt. If there was anything he'd realised in the past two years, it was that.

And yet as his eyes traced her delicate nose and soft pink lips, he couldn't find it in himself to leave. She had been his saving grace since the beginning. There was no mission without Felicity Smoak. More importantly, there was no Oliver without Felicity. She had become a part of him, creeping quietly into his heart until all of the holes were knitted back together with the kind of love that only Felicity could provide.

He should leave her. He wanted to leave her.

But he wouldn't.

He considered all of the ways that he could push her away and keep her at arm's length. He could follow his own advice to Roy and save her the trouble of loving him.

But she already loved him. She hadn't said the words and neither had he. But he loved her more than words could express. And she had handed him her heart along with her life long ago.

His instincts screamed at him to let her go, to save her from this life.

But it was too late for that. She was as much the Arrow as he was. She was his partner and everything good about him could be accredited to her. There was no facet of his life that could continue without her.

His inner demons told him that he was selfish to stay the night, to stay at all.

His mind told him that he'd be better off dead if he left now.

His heart told him that neither one of them would survive it if he tore her out of his life now. They were two halves of the same whole.

If it was only himself he would hurt, he truly believed that he could walk away now. But her heart was a delicate, intricate, exquisite treasure. And it was his. He would rather die a thousand deaths than hurt her again.

So he would stay. He would watch over her as she slept off the horror that had been their first date. He would strategize and protect her until his dying breath. But he wouldn't leave. He couldn't. He would take the nightmares in the nights to come. Because she was alive. And so was he.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, alright. So I'm going to go ahead and apologize in advance for...whatever the hell this is.
> 
> ******Heavy Heavy Heavy Angst****** You've been warned. Also spoilers for all of Season 3 up until after the mid-season finale.
> 
> I'll be honest and tell you that this piece is really my way of getting past the anger-induced writer's block that I've had since the Cupid episode. I spent that whole episode furious with Felicity (which I would have thought was impossible) and the writers. And I deal with that in here.
> 
> I in no way dislike Felicity. I effing adore her, which is why I was so angry after that episode. Felicity as a shallow, easily-manipulated trophy actually causes me physical pain. And Oliver watching as she kissed Ray (who I hate. So much it hurts.) caused more tears than I want to admit. And I actually hated her there for a second when she smiled so big as Ray changed QC's name, like it wasn't the worst for Oliver. Sorry, rant over.
> 
> So I'm writing about it. I'm getting it out of my system.
> 
> And while I'm correcting those behaviors, I'm also totally angsting all over the place. I shouldn't even be posting this. But so many of you have asked me to post something, anything.
> 
> You should probably do us both a favor and skip this one.
> 
> Read at your own risk. And please, no hate. I know this one isn't my best.
> 
> (I am also aware that this one doesn't totally fit in this series but it involves sleep or inability to sleep and I just couldn't make myself put it anywhere else for some reason.)

A sigh escaped her lips as she rolled over. Even without her glasses she could make out the blurred numbers of her alarm clock. It had been seventeen minutes since she'd last looked and she only had about 3 hours until her alarm was set to go off. Felicity sat up and punched her pillow, perhaps a little harder than necessary, before flopping onto her stomach. She needed sleep. It had been nine days since she'd last slept the whole night through. Nine nights she had spent tossing and turning restlessly. Nine nights full of worry and regret. She ground her teeth together to halt the tears that were clogging her throat.

If she'd known maybe she would have behaved differently during those last days, those last months. Perhaps if she had seen the whole thing coming she would have been kinder and less self-righteous.

A tear escaped her tightly-squeezed lids and rolled slowly down her cheek.

Maybes were going to kill her. Maybes were Felicity's constant adversary these days.

Felicity sat up and placed her feet on the cold hardwood floor. Leaning forward, she hung her head and sniffled. He would never blame her for her behavior. He wouldn't accuse her of being shallow when she'd allowed Ray Palmer to buy his way into her life. He wouldn't wonder aloud about how it had only taken a designer dress and some jewelry to get her out on a date. Nor would he comment on the over-the-top date in a hotel rented solely for their time together or the fact that she fell into bed with Ray without a care about him buying his way into her bed.

The only accusation he'd thrown her way had been fully justified. It hadn't been about bruised ego or heartbreak over seeing her with a man who didn't respect her enough to charm her without his bank account.

" _What is your problem? Jealous that I'm not mooning over you anymore? Feeling betrayed?!" She screamed at him from across the basement._

_Oliver's eyes were conspicuously shiny as he lifted his gaze to meet hers. "I could never say a word about your relationship with him. And I won't." His voice was quiet._

" _You're right! You have no right to be upset about my relationship with Ray! It's none of your business!" She bellowed, ignoring the voice in her head that told her she was taking it too far._

" _I know that." He whispered, eyes on the wall behind her._

" _Then who the hell do you think you are being pissed about me and Ray?"_

_She watched as he sighed and his shoulders slumped forward. "He stole my company. He took it right from under my nose." He pinched his nose and exhaled heavily. "You deserved better than that stupid store, you deserve to be in charge."_

_Confusion warred with anger and Felicity snapped when he didn't continue. "Then what the hell is your problem?"_

_His eyes snapped up and she saw the betrayal there in his eyes. "You should have been in charge of Queen Consolidated. But instead you're in charge of Palmer Industries." Her mouth popped open in surprise. "He stole my company and changed the name and you didn't even warn me. Damn it, Felicity. He changed the name and you stood there on TV smiling at him like you'd never been more excited."_

_Felicity's eyes were burning as she stared at him._

" _You're right. You're not mine to be angry about. But you were my friend and you_ smiled  _as he stole the last part of my family from me." He finished and he still wasn't looking at her. "You promised to help me get QC back and then you didn't. You helped him take it away from me and make it something new. And I don't have to be okay with that."_

Felicity jumped to her feet and left her bedroom quickly. She set about making herself a cup of tea, sleepy-time tea, hoping that sleep would come soon. But as she leaned against the counter waiting for the kettle to boil, she fought against the tears that begged free reign.

The fight had been an ugly one. One of their worst. And for the first time, probably ever, it had been completely her fault. He hadn't been short with her. There had been no "get your head in the game" jibes. He hadn't bitched about her date nights and the way they interfered with missions. He didn't resent her for forcing a relationship with Ray and rubbing it in his face. Oliver had been nothing but polite. And that had been the problem. He gave her no more attention than he gave Diggle or Roy. He held back any real reactions from her for her own comfort. He made no mention when she shrugged off a sweater and his eyes had zeroed in on one of the many hickeys Ray had given her despite her asking him not to.

He was a perfect gentleman. But he was no longer hers. He wasn't her friend or her partner or her ex-something. He worked with her and was completely professional. But one day she'd looked up at him and realized he had removed himself from her orbit. He was untouchable. And it was entirely her fault.

So she had begun picking at him. Picking fights and deliberately baiting him. And he ignored it. He was polite and joked back, but it wasn't real. Every night he was the first to leave the lair because he was desperate to get away from her. He was just too polite to say it.

The fight happened the night that Dig had pulled her aside and told her to stop being so horrible. She and John had always seen eye-to-eye. It was usually the two of them versus Oliver. And his words had cut her deeply.

_Felicity watched as Oliver hightailed it out of the Foundry. She glared after him and didn't hear Diggle approach. His hand on her arm caused her to jump and spin to face him. She pulled her arm out of his grasp as she took in the anger on his usually stoic face._

" _That's enough." He told her coolly._

" _What are you talking about?" She asked with raised eyebrows._

_John folded his arms over his chest and stared at her._

" _Things were bad enough before but you need to stop chasing him out of here. You're going to get him killed, Felicity!" John growled and out of the corner of her eye she saw Roy nodding before following after his mentor._

_Felicity's smart retort didn't make it past her lips as his words hit her. Hard. Oliver could die. She kept pushing him and he kept leaving with his head on wrong._

" _I know that things are bad, but punishing him isn't fair. You made your choice. Don't keep doing this."_

 _Felicity snarled and stepped forward, poking him in the chest. "_ He  _made that choice."_

_Dig shook his head sadly. "Yes, he did. But then you chose Ray. And he watched you do it." He left her standing there and heading out to cover Oliver._

Felicity would never be able to unsee the footage of Oliver practically skipping up to her office and then stopping short. The look on his face as he'd watched her and Ray had shattered her. She'd sat in the basement, barely listening to the mission and staring at the screen in front of her.

She felt sick for the way that she's treated him and she'd lashed out. She searched for any and all reason to blame him and as she zeroed in on that fern, she'd seen red. She hated that he'd kept it, that he'd watered it and cared for it. She hated that he had seen her kissing Ray and that he'd never said anything. She hated that she'd hurt him and she just lost it.

She still wasn't sure if him coming back alone was a blessing or a curse. She'd like to think that she would have behaved better if Roy or Dig had been there. But there was the possibility that she would have just humiliated him further by doing the same thing in front of his team.

Felicity turned off the whistling kettle and slid down the cupboards to sit on the cold tile. She'd been desperate to erase his pain from her memory that she'd turned on him the moment his feet reached the bottom of the stairs. His eyes widened as she grabbed the first thing she saw and chucked it at his head. He ducked and there was silence as the vase smashed and the plant landed at his feet. When he finally looked up at her, the pain was there again. Only this time she actually had to witness it.

Her mind skipped over the fight that followed. She was so ashamed of herself. She had never behaved so horribly in her life and she hadn't even apologized to him. He had walked away before she could break him a little more. And the next time she saw him he was saying goodbye.

" _Oliver, Ra's will kill you!" Roy argued, his fear for his mentor clear in every tense line of his body. "Please don't do this."_

_Oliver clapped Roy on the shoulder. "I don't have a choice. Nyssa was very clear." His eyes met hers from the briefest of moments before moving towards John._

" _We need a contingency plan, Oliver." John demanded._

_Oliver shook his head and held out his hand. She watched with morbid fascination as John stared at Oliver's hand before he reached forwards in defeat. He grasped Oliver's hand._

" _I don't have one, John. I don't." Oliver replied quietly._

" _This is bullshit!" Roy roared._

_Oliver caught the boy's arm and held fast. "I expect you to protect this city, Roy. Keep the streets safe 'til I get back."_

_There was something about the edge that Oliver's voice had taken when he alluded to making it home. And suddenly it was all real. She was no longer an audience member and this was no longer a dream. He was leaving. Oliver was leaving. She stared at him with wide eyes as he released Roy and turned to face her. She noticed that his eyes didn't meet hers even as he stepped into her space and pressed his lips against her forehead._

" _Be happy." He breathed against her forehead. His eyes met hers for a fraction of time and within them she read the absolute love that he had for her._

_And then he was gone. She hadn't said goodbye. She hadn't apologized for being horrible to him._

_She hadn't told him she loved him more than anything in the world._

The first night after he left had passed in a daze. She couldn't seem to accept what had happened. And she'd found herself on a bar=stool in Verdant, ignoring Ray's calls and drowning her sorrows in the expensive whiskey that Oliver loved so much. She could feel Thea's worried gaze on her but they respected each other's secrets and Thea stayed away.

Roy dropped onto the stool next to her and quickly caught up with her. Sometime after his seventh drink he'd turned on her and glared until he had her full attention.

" _You're my friend and stuff." He slurred. "But if he dies, it's your fault."_

The rest had come out in a drunken rush and had rendered Felicity useless for the next four days. No hung-over apologies from a guilt-laden Roy could undo what she now knew.

" _You've been awful and now he's across the world dueling to the death with that asshole from Nyssa's little club. He has to fight the biggest bad guy we've ever heard of. And he's doin' it coz Nyssa threatened to kill you. And I'm mad. Ray is stupid and you just keep letting him buy stuff. And Oliver is out there dying for you."_

Sobs bubbled forth from her lips and she clutched her sides at the pain it caused her. It had been nine nights and ten days since any of them had heard from Oliver. She'd tracked his progress but he'd disappeared after hitting China. That had been seven days ago.

She curled up on the floor of her kitchen and cried herself to sleep. Her last thoughts were prayers that somehow, some way, Oliver was alive and healthy. She bargained with God and offered her soul to the highest bidder.

She'd spent the last four months punishing him. Now she would give anything to see him. The irony was not lost on her.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Maybes-pt2. It's sort of my apology for the angst-fest that was the first part. It had has my take on what the big surprise is.
> 
> I expected the hate that I received but I would like to address one major accusation.
> 
> Some readers felt that I was being anti-feminist by being angry about Felicity allowing Ray to buy her affections. On the contrary. I adore Felicity Smoak. She's a badass and I want to be her. She is one of the best female characters (best characters regardless of sex, really) and she deserves all of the nice things that money can buy. My point however was that she also deserves all of the things that money can't. Ray is a creep who bought a company to force her to work for him, bought a designer dress and rented diamonds to buy his way into her graces. He didn't treat her with the respect she deserves and instead manipulated her with bullshit, charm and money.
> 
> I don't think she should have to wait around for Oliver. I don't. If she needs to spend some time with someone else, I'll grit my teeth and bear it, as long as it isn't some smarmy asshole, as long as it is someone who respects her.
> 
> He manipulated her and I was pissed because Felicity wouldn't have fallen for it. So yeah, I'm pissed at the writers and I'm not the only one.
> 
> Sorry for the rant. Most of the reviews were lovely and seemed to be feeling something similar to how I was feeling.
> 
> Any mistakes are because I wrote and posted this within an hour so that it would be up before the finale.
> 
> Enjoy! (This is a little less angst-based and more solution-based). And I have zero intention of adding to it.

She decided it was time to stop moping when she woke up cold and alone on her kitchen floor in a puddle of her own tears. She had made her mistakes and sitting around miserably wouldn't do a damn thing for anyone. As she showered and washed away her tears she realized that Oliver would never have spent almost two weeks waiting for her to return, hoping for the best. He wouldn't have given up when they'd lost track of her, instead he would have sprung into action.

So she found a new purpose. She had a million apologies to make and redemption to seek. But Oliver needed her to be the fighter that she'd been when he'd fallen in love with her. Roy and Diggle were so relieved to see her back to herself that they immediately sprang into action when she asked them to. They spent days down in that basement, going over everything they knew and finding solutions for the things that they didn't. They trained her constantly. It was their only condition to bringing her out in the field.

They called Barry and ask him to be ready to provide backup. She walked into ARGUS and blackmailed Amanda Waller into helping them. Oliver would lose his mind if he knew that she'd gone toe-to-toe with a woman more ruthless than the criminals they fought each night. When she walked back out, it was with Amanda's grudging respect and a surety that Waller would do what was necessary. Dig thanked her for leaving Lyla out of it with a squeeze of the shoulder before throwing her to the mat during training.

Ray was hardly pleased when she went on leave with no excuse given. He had been even less thrilled when she told him in no uncertain terms that she deserved more than his credit cards.

They left Starling City on Christmas day, nineteen days after Oliver. Their trek was not a straight line but a winding path through dangerous ghettos and opulent secret palaces. Nanda Parbat was not on a map and Waller had only been able to narrow down their search so much. The team of highly trained ARGUS agents ensured that their journey was a safe, if not comfortable one. In those twelve days Felicity, Roy and John witnessed conditions and situations that they could never have imagined. The knowledge that Oliver had faced worse kept them all going.

They spent a night in the village bordering the League's lair, planning into the night what they would do when they got there. Felicity waited until the security team had left to patrol and Dig and Roy had fallen asleep before making her move. She slipped into the night, grasping the knife hidden in the folds of the traditional garb she wore. She moved quietly through the streets and ignored the voice in her head, which sounded a lot like Oliver, that was screaming at her not to risk her safety. She made it into the shadows of the cave before she was surrounded by assassins. She was dragged into the cave and pushed to her knees in front of Nyssa. She lowered her hood and watched as the woman did her best to hide her surprise at seeing her there. It did not escape Felicity's notice that she had been brought to the heir, and not the demon himself. Hope flared in her chest.

"You should not have come here." Nyssa whispered.

As Felicity knelt before her she caught a glimpse of the woman who had loved Sara.

"You would have come for Sara." Felicity replied bravely.

Nyssa snarled and her grip tightened on the bow in her hands. "Sara is dead!"

Felicity swallowed past the lump in her throat. She knew that. She missed her too. "Why does Oliver have to pay the price for that? He loved her too."

She walked back into the little safe-house and was met with furious disapproval from John and Roy who had woken up to find her gone.

"They're in the mountain range two days from here. They've been there for three days." Felicity told them, hands shaking as she tried to pack up her things. John's hands enveloped her own and she finally met his eyes. A tear escaped as he read the fear she had felt in the den of assassins and the terror she felt now. "We need the helicopter."

An ARGUS agent was there within two hours with transportation and as they flew towards the mountain, Felicity explained vaguely what had happened in that cave. She left out the appeal of one woman in love to another who'd lost the love of her life. She didn't explain that Nyssa had considered killing her instead. She left out a lot.

As the mountaintop came into view, everyone started moving. The ARGUS agents were checking their guns and Roy was running his hands over each of his arrows. The pilot barked out an instruction and suddenly all eyes were glued to the red blotches in the snow. He quickly found a place to land and they all poured from the helicopter. Felicity pushed off John's caution and chased after the agents. She swallowed thickly as her boots trudged through red snow and followed the trails left by the wounded. She rounded the corner as she heard the order for the agents to halt. She slammed into the back of Roy who quickly caught her. She moved past the soldiers who all had their guns trained on the scene in front of them. Huddled beneath a rock face were two very injured men. Her eyes found Oliver's and she launched herself towards him, landing on her knees in front of him. He had lost a lot of blood and only  _Oliver_ would have a shirtless duel on a snowy mountainside!

"Oliver. I'm here." She whispered into his ear as her arms surrounded his shivering body. "I'm sorry. I'm here. I love you. I'm sorry."

His breath was warm against her neck as he replied. "I love you. I'm sorry. Felicity. I love you." She pulled away and kissed his lips gently.

He blinked tiredly up at her and she called for the medical personnel. She took a deep breath before turning to face the man who wasn't in better shape beside him. She swallowed the sob that rose in her throat as she laid eyes on her father for the first time in seventeen years. He gazed back at her and she understood that the only reason they were both alive was because he'd realised who Oliver was. She wondered dully if Oliver had recognized her eyes before Ra's had figured it out. Which of them had figured it out first?

"You don't seem so surprised." He said, in lieu of greeting. Although her father was an assassin, so perhaps a normal greeting after so long was impossible.

" _Nyssa." Felicity said, swallowing painfully. "Did you know we shared a father when you threatened my life?"_

_Nyssa spun on her heel and followed Felicity's gaze to the portrait of Ra's Al Gaul._

"He's a fighter, your man." He added when she didn't reply.

Felicity stared at her father for a moment before rising to her feet. She gestured for the soldiers to help him into the chopper. As she sat huddled beside Oliver, watching her father warily, she realized that nothing would ever be the same.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning* This story deals with mental illness and more specifically depression. This goes a little further than simply 'angst'.
> 
> I would also like to preface this by explaining that this is my interpretation of depression, and anyone who's ever struggled with it knows that it's impossible to explain. Depression is a whirlwind of contradictions; it's feeling too much and nothing at all. It's panicking over frivolous things and not reacting to your own life. I find that writing about it is the only way to actually explain what's going on inside my head.
> 
> I'm always a little weary of posting something like this. Because inevitably I'll get some hate, likely from people who know nothing of mental illness. There will be complaints with the way it was resolved/handled. It'll be too dark or not dark enough.
> 
> But for me, this is a fairly accurate depiction. It is in no way the whole struggle, but a snapshot and that 'aha' moment that is so impossible to withstand but so important for recovery.
> 
> So without further ado (and no more justification for something I believe is right), here is the next 'Stay the night' one-shot.

****

Felicity wrapped the blanket more tightly around her shoulders as she settled in for another long night. Her blue eyes were alert and fixed on the sleeping form in her bed. His breathing was steady and his face relaxed but still her heart beat too quickly and the too familiar thrum of panic rushed through her veins.

It had been eleven days since Oliver Queen had come back from the dead. Officially anyway. He'd been a little vague on the actual time he'd been dead for and how he'd been resurrected.

It had been a day like any other. Or like every day since she'd found an arrow on her work desk and a piece of paper that contained four words. Four words that changed her world forevermore and tilted all that was real on its head.  _Oliver Queen is dead._ Every day after that was a blur of faces and grey. Whole conversations had been held without her input and left her memory as soon as they ended. No tears had been shed. She'd simply shut down. Her team was dealing with their loss and had wanted to be with her. But Felicity wanted nothing. Or perhaps more honestly, there was only one thing, one  _person_ that she wanted. But he was dead.

So she went about her life. She woke up in the morning and showered, though the once comforting scent of her shampoo didn't register anymore. As she got ready for work she unconsciously opted for more neutral colors. She wore no makeup. Her hair remained down so she could hide behind it when she needed some privacy. The coffee she had once craved had no taste. The faces that swam in and out of her world were blurred and indistinct.

Simply put: Felicity survived. She existed.

She was existing on the day that Oliver Queen walked into her office, ignoring her EA's proclamation that she was busy. She made no move as he marched into his old office and came to a stop before her desk. She watched as his eyes did a cursory check of his surroundings, of her. She noted the way that they narrowed in concern as they touched upon her grey shirt and black pants. She blinked as he opened his mouth and said her name. Or maybe he hadn't, because as she stared up at him she didn't hear anything over the roar in her ears. Her eyes closed just before she slumped in her chair.

When she'd come to, it had been Oliver's irritated order for her EA to "get the hell out of this office" that brought her world crashing down around her. He was dead. He was supposed to be dead. Nyssa would have been thorough. Her murmured "how?" wasn't how Oliver had expected their reunion to happen, she would see it in his eyes, but nothing else came to mind.

He hadn't given her much insight into the "how" of it all. He'd been back for eleven days and he had never been far from her side.

Yet as she watched him sleep in her bed for the eleventh time she still couldn't accept that he was really there. She'd been so careful not to touch him. So careful not to make eye contact. But Oliver knew her, knew her better than he knew himself. So here he slept, in her bed, where she could keep watch over him. He knew that despite the fact that she hadn't said a word to him since "how" that she needed him near.

Felicity inhaled deeply as a jagged streak flash through her chest. She had prayed that she'd see him again. And here he was. But what if he wasn't?

She knew she wasn't okay. She knew that her mind was sick, that the apathy was a symptom of something far more dangerous. She knew that losing him had broken something inside of her that she was afraid to confront. Felicity  _knew_ that everyone had expected her to jump for joy and cry and laugh and throw herself into his arms. But she hadn't. Felicity was supposed to be the light in their darkness. But Oliver had become hers. And she had fractured. She now fully understood why Oliver had pushed her away after their almost-date. She knew the horror of losing him. And she simply couldn't allow herself the pain of it again.

Her jaw clenched as she fought a war within herself. He was alive. If she just reached out and touched him, she'd know it. If she just allowed herself to leave the apathy then she could be happy again. But what if she touched him and he was a cruel figment of her fractured mind? What if she couldn't be happy again? What if the numbness was permanent?

Oliver rolled over in his sleep and burrowed his ear into her pillow. She watched in fascination as he breathed out her name. But it wasn't her name that did it, it wasn't the fact that he was dreaming of her. It was the way he wrinkled his nose up so innocently, too innocently to be a dream, that broke the dams.

Felicity folded in on herself as the tears cascaded down her cheeks and a sob ripped itself through her body. Despite her turmoil she knew that Oliver had woken up. He lay perfectly still as he watched her break into a million pieces, with the exception of the fingers that were bunched tightly in her sheets to keep him from reaching for her.

Felicity gripped her knees tightly to her chest and screamed against the pain that coursed through her. She was overwhelmed by the grief that was thrust upon her and she wondered if it was possible to die from this kind of pain. The tears soaked her shirt and irritated her skin as her body raged against her for refusing to feel for so long. Three months of pent up  _everything_ tore her apart, leaving everything she knew and everything she had been, lying jagged in pieces around her.

She cried for minutes, hours perhaps and Oliver Queen cried with her. His eyes never left her even as they too blurred and reddened. He never moved from his place despite the physical pain it must have caused him to not reach for her and take the pain away.

The light in her room softened as the sun began to rise. Her throat ached and so did her skin. The tears had dried up and only her breathing remained unsteady. Her gaze remained on Oliver even as she wiped at her face and sniffled into her hands.

She was scared. Terrified. The last several hours had been agony and she didn't ever want to feel like that again. And Oliver Queen was no average guy. He wouldn't work 9-5 and come home to her safely each night. He fought criminals and got hurt so often.

She didn't think she'd survive losing him again.

He moved from his stomach and sat up on her bed, cross-legged across from her. His eyes carried the understanding that he knew what she was going through. That he knew the struggle she was facing. But he made no move and spoke no words to assure her or convince her. He simply waited.

In the silence, the sunlight began to change her surroundings. The harsh darkness and greys gave way to yellows and pinks. As the darkness receded and color surrounded her, she unfolded her body and took a deep breath. Oliver too, inhaled deeply and waited. Felicity rose to unsteady feet and placed one knee and then the other on her mattress. Only inches separated their body but Oliver was patient as she slowly found her courage. One hand lifted and reached toward his cheek. Her fingertips brushed against his stubble and pulled back quickly. She closed her eyes and exhaled. A tear escaped as both hands moved upwards to cup his face. A gasp escaped as he leaned into her touch and her eyes popped open. Oliver's eyes were so focused and the love in them fell upon her.

"Oliver." She breathed out on a prayer.

His control snapped and he pulled her into his lap, crushing her against his chest. Her face pressed against his neck and she could feel his pulse against her cheek. She mumbled words against his throat and his hands moved comfortingly along her back. It was only when she heard him mumbling against her hair that she realized he'd lost her too.

The Felicity he'd said goodbye to wasn't the one he'd come back to. He loved her and he'd probably held onto that as he fought his way back to her. She apologized as her lips brushed against his shoulder. He pulled her chin up and kissed her into silence. She felt their tears mingle as his lips brushed against hers.

Felicity would never be the same. And neither would he. But she had a feeling that they'd adjust. They'd face their new reality head on. And they'd do it together.

As they lay together, the sunlight chased away the shadows and Felicity once again saw her world in color.

 


	14. Chapter 14

Oliver leaned against the fire escape and finally allowed himself to feel. Out of sight, but close to the only person who really mattered, he was able tofinally let go. He allowed himself to think back on the last few days and how much it had hurt, how much it had changed him.

He'd gotten careless. Things had been going so well for them all and he'd given in to his feelings for Felicity. The feelings that he'd been ignoring, supressing, since the moment he'd first laid eyes on her. Not only had she made him smile upon their first meeting, but she'd coaxed a smile out of him several years before as well. Amidst his trip back to Starling and watching the lives of those he loves falling apart, she pulled a smile from him. A bit of awkward mumbling at a photo of him that was frankly, creepy as hell, and she'd brought some light into his life.

So he'd given in. After years of other women, less important women, he'd decided he wouldn't wait any longer. He'd jumped in with both feet and he'd been careless. It was routine to check his suit for any damage or bugs after each mission. And there was no excuse for him not checking his suit that night before their date. He'd allowed his happiness and excitement to buoy him and distract him.

And she'd almost died.

It would have been game over if she hadn't woken up.

They accused him of not caring about his life, of only living for the mission. But at this point, he was only living for her. It had been that way since she and Diggle dropped onto the Island and brought him home. He fought in Tommy's name but he lived in Felicity's.

Tommy would forgive him for giving up. Roy would find Thea and Diggle would take care of the city. Oliver had been planning his revenge and his own end as Felicity lay there motionless in the lair.

He was unashamed to admit it, if only to himself. She'd be furious. And so would the others. But Felicity was the only light in his ever-darkening world.

But she'd survived. She'd managed to escape the incident relatively unscathed.

So he would continue to fight. But he refused to put her in danger again. He couldn't.

He almost took it all back when he saw Sara's body laid out on that same table. Sara who he'd cared for but whose death he'd ultimately had nothing to do with. He'd seen her there, dead for real this time, and he'd almost begged Felicity to take him back. Because death would take them all, eventually.

But his weakness had passed.

As they all stood around Sara's no longer empty grave, he'd glanced around at those who remained. He had watched Roy hold Felicity even as Laurel curled into his own arms. He had fought the irrational urge to rip Roy apart as his protégé comforted the woman Oliver loved. He had wondered if Felicity felt the same anger, the same hurt seeing Laurel in his arms. It didn't seem to matter that all of them were just friends. That Roy was much too young for Felicity or that Oliver hadn't really loved Laurel, maybe ever. The jealousy had burned thick and scorching as they all said their goodbyes to the Canary.

And so he leaned against the fire escape next to Felicity's window and allowed the rain to wash over him.

One thought sliced through him continually. One thought that he was both ashamed and sure of.

Of the two women that had been laid out on the med table that day, he would be forever grateful that Felicity was the one who had woken up.

Felicity listened to the rain pattering against her window and thick tears rolled down her cheeks. The last few days had been too much, too hard.

For a few hours there, everything had seemed perfect. They were heroes, and despite her lackluster job, she knew without a doubt that Oliver loved her.

She was not a woman who needed a man to complete her, to make her happy. But she had loved Oliver Queen since that first meeting. And hearing that he'd been just as enraptured, remembering the colour of the pen she was chewing for God's sake, had filled her with warmth.

So she had hoped, for a few brief moments as the two of them smiled adoringly at each other in the crowded restaurant. She'd imagined more dates and more of those warm smiles that only she seemed to elicit from Oliver.

And everything had shattered in a blast of orange and heat.

She had thought that seeing Sara dead might change his mind. She'd seen the struggle there, behind his eyes.

She'd felt the tension radiating off of him as Roy held her. Just as she had tried to suppress the jealousy over Laurel being comforted by him. She didn't fear Laurel's place in Oliver's life. He loved Felicity. But no matter how sweet Roy was, she'd yearned for Oliver's warm arms, for the strong beat of his heart under her ear.

She missed him. It seemed stupid to miss him so much when he was so close.

And he was close. She knew without looking that he was sitting out in the rain, leaning against her fire escape. Because he needed to be close to her, even though he'd pushed her as far away as he could.

He was stupid. Sitting out there in the rain, so close to happiness but instead choosing to wallow in his own misery.

But she was too. She could have fought him harder. She could have yelled until he saw it her way. Because he always came around.

But he wasn't ready. And neither was she.

So she turned her back on the window and refused to ask him to come in. And as she lay there awake throughout the night, she tried to hope again. She did her best to believe that this wasn't the end of their story. It was just a more complicated beginning than either of them would like. There was nothing simple about their lives. So it only made sense that their love would be complicated as well.

 


End file.
